When I was in college, for extra credit, I helped out the graduate counseling department by volunteering to get counseled. It was my freshman year of college and it coincidentally happened right after my first boyfriend broke up with me. I did not know what to expect when I walked over to the graduate building for my first session. Each would be 45 minutes long and there would be nine sessions. I was not sure if I could figure out what to talk about for that long. All I remember was a small room with a two way mirror. I would go in every Monday night for nine weeks and sit down in a plush blue chair. She would ask me what I wanted to talk about or bring up something she remembered from a previous session and I would go off. With it still being my freshman year I had not made many really close friends at that point, no one to confide in about my broken heart and end of my first relationship. I found comfort in talking through everything. I learned through that process that I am an external processor.
Near the end of my time my counselor asked me a few things. First, she wondered why I went into so much detail with stories. I can get very descriptive when I share stories or feelings with someone. There were friends in college who I noticed would zone out and eventually tell me to get to the point. She asked if it was me trying to take the entire time. I left that session feeling confused. I told stories in so much detail that it annoyed people...why? I started to wonder that myself for a long time. The answer came when I attended FLI. We took a strengths test and my number one strength is includer. When I told my mom I remember her laughing at how true that was.
As an includer I love to make people feel, you guessed it, included. Includers hate the idea of exclusivity and people feeling left out. On the opposite side of that, as an includer, I love to feel included. A part of that strength comes through my story telling. I want people to understand a story fully, like they were there with me. Like they were a part of the story. So there are times I may go into too much detail to make others feel included. I refer to it now as rambling and a few of my friends are patient enough to steer me in the right track otherwise I can get caught up too much in the memory.
I find when I tell stories I am back at that time. I love reminiscing with friends because I go back to that experience. The other night I was blessed to be able to meet up with a few old friends from FLI and catch up on life. We talked about how God has stretched and shaped us in the past few years, where we are now and, of course, we reminisced at some old memories. It was fun to have a chance to go back with them. Memories bring back so much! There are times I can get caught in a day dream of a memory and get lost in the past. I love having good memories to go back to. I even love having the tough memories. Although they are painful to go back to I am thankful I can learn from those memories.
Memories shape us and change us bit by bit. Like a river. The water courses through and is constantly changing. Maybe that river remembers the different people who have floated down it, the fish who swam through or the men who fished at the banks. But years and years the water will shape and change that river bank until it looks a little different. It is still in the same place but those experiences have changed it. Memories can cause pain or joy and it is up to us to determine how they change and shape us in the long run.
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