I remember my first friend. Her name was Cassie and we lived in South Carolina. She had a trampoline and it was the coolest thing ever! We used to run through a field and over a tiny hill to each others houses. I remember once we sat on the grassy slope between our houses. I remember us being upset about me moving away. I was five when I moved to New Jersey and it was a new adventure with new friends.
Elementary school seems like a blur. I remember faces, recess and playing house under a big oak tree. These faces followed me all the way through to high school. Friendship seems so simple when you are little. "Hey, you like the color blue?! So do I!" Instant friends. Now it is more complex. As you get older you go through more. You have more history that is brought into a friendship. My friends from grade school know about my awkward stages. They have seen me in my big over-sized t-shirts that I wore because for some reason I thought it was cool. They know about my third grade crushes and my high school boyfriend. Those memories have shaped who I have become. I still have friends who walk that journey with me. I have friends from college who helped me establish my faith. I have friends who were there for my first heart break and some who have been there for every one since then. I have friends who have threatened to beat up guys for me and sat and listened as I tried to figure out God's will for my life. I have friends who call me just to have someone to talk to even if we are all the way across the country from each other. As time passes friendships change. We all grow in different ways but at the same time we have grown together.I am able to go home for Christmas for a few days this year. A few of my friends from grade school and high school are going to get together. Whenever we get together there is always tons of laughter as we bring up of old names and stories from when we were younger. We fill in each other about current lives and things we have been going through. We live lives separate from each other, all five of us living in different states. When we get together, no matter the time or how much has changed, it is still us.
Friendship can bring so much joy and also so much pain. I have lost friends over the years because of disagreements or different paths in life. It has been a struggle for me to watch those friendships that I invested in for years just seem to disintegrate like they were nothing to begin with. There is always a level of risk when you open yourself up to another broken person. It is a risk we all take because God created us to thrive and desire connection with each other. I have spent most of my life in fear of letting people get close because the closer you get to someone the closer you get. Over the years, unfortunately, I have come to believe that when you let someone that close they will eventually leave. I have experienced it and felt the pain as another friendship ends and I do not know why. I have had friends that prove me wrong. There have been friends who have pushed past the walls I spent years trying to build. These people showed me so much about what it looks like to love. They bring a new definition to the term 'friendship' and have taught me how to be a better friend. This new stage in life has brought its joys and struggles and I am so thankful I have people in my life who have been there through it all. (And most likely have so many embarrassing stories to tell) So thank you to all my friends! I thank you for believing in me, for pushing me, for loving me, for calling me out, stretching me and even at times reminding me who I am.
"Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold. A ring is round it has no end, that's how long I want to be your friend."
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