Never too old for a snowball fight!

Well another Axis semester done. We finished up work this week and I am flying back home tomorrow afternoon for Christmas. I am excited to see my family! (and hopefully not eat too many cookies) Almost everyone from Axis is home or heading home in the next day or so. It's bittersweet in a sense because there are a few people that are not coming back next semester. One of the full time staff got an amazing new job in TN and another intern was only doing one semester and is going to spend the next few months shredding up the mountains of Colorado. I love how we have become a family. We work together, cook together, live together, and just do life together and it is awesome. God really has blessed me with some amazing co-workers and friends!
Last week in downtown Colorado Springs they did a downtown stroll where a bunch of the shops downtown had lights up and food samples and a few of us walked around and had a ton of fun! We also found a little set up with dance moves mapped out on the ground and I learned the fox trot! The sign said "Dance like no one is watching!" And we did just that! With snow covering the ground we slipped and slid all over! People walked by and smiled at us but we kept dancing and we even met a guy named Timothy and got him to dance with us too!

photo curtesy of Hayley ;)

We walked around a bit more and one of my friends and I wanted to run across the snow covered park through the center of town. So we took off trying not to slip and laughing the whole time. Oh, did I mention the temperature was in the single digits?!? Yeah, it was pretty chilly out. We ended up having a EPIC snowball fight! We called it the 76th Hunger Games. Hayley was Finnick, Alisa was Joanna and I was Katniss vs the guys, Sam and Colin, and they were the careers. Of course we won! (Although they may tell you otherwise)  

I have mentioned in previous blogs I have talked about how I have struggled this semester with being myself. I was having a tough week and that night just running across a park, laughing, sliding (I had a pretty epic fall) and freezing while throwing snow at friends was something I needed. The way things work out sometimes makes me smile. I was talking to one of my friends the other night and he was telling me how God had just answered a few of his prayers in ways he didn't expect. That's how is works I think. God likes to surprise us in the smallest ways. Either by a clear day to view his amazing creation in the mountains here in Colorado, random encouraging words from your boss, good conversations with friends til 2:30 am, and even through snow ball fights. It's easy not to see God working in my life because sometimes...I know I get distracted. But when I can step back and just laugh and dance I can see God working through everything around me and it makes me....speechless. So, I dare you, go dance, run, or throw snow like no one is watching! I promise it will be worth it. :)

Axis Banquet

With pretty lows temperature the past week or so about 150 people braved the cold and were able to make it out to our banquet! It was so much fun and Axis broke a personal record with having 13 people speak during one presentation! It was a BLAST being able to present with all the full time staff and all the other interns. We were all dressed up and looked quite spiffy ;)
Check out this short promo of the banquet! I am not in it presenting but you get to see many of the beautiful faces of Axis!!
http://vimeo.com/81542115

Do you want to dance?

Happy December! I love Christmas time! Between celebrating Jesus, the music, good food, snow, traditions, family, festivities, and lights there is just so much to look forward to! I absolutely love Christmas lights. I feel like it makes everything look magical! I worked up at camp this past week before Thanksgiving and I was able to cut down a tree before I came back down to the springs. My team made me wait until they got back from their Thanksgivings with family to decorate it so I waited, very impatiently, with a very naked Christmas tree in our basement. We finally got a chance to decorate it the other night. It was so much fun! 

We had ornaments and music playing while we decorated. Colin was in the corner stringing popcorn and the others were decorating ornaments and the tree. As soon as we turned on music one of the guys from Axis, Sam, started dancing. Sam is a great dancer and he was having a lot of fun twirling around our basement. He started teaching Hayley and I some dance moves. Which included a bit of swing dancing, waltzing, and the cha-cha.
I have never danced like that before. The only dance experience I have is a hip-hop class I took one summer, the cupid shuffle and wii Just Dance (which I am pretty good at ;]) It was fun learning the steps and trying to navigate in my slippers around the basement while trying not to step on Sam's feet. I never new there was so much technique when it came to dancing. The guys kept telling me to stop looking at my feet, because I kept tripping, and Sam was teaching me how to hold up a good frame with my arms. He was telling me that with my hands I need to push a bit back on his so he is able to lead me easier. Colin was giving tips from the side talking about how dancing is harder for the girl because she has more complicated steps and all the guy has to do is lead her. It was hard trying to remember the steps, let Sam lead me, and not trip as he would randomly spin me around the room.
I had to focus on putting pressure in his hand as he led me. It made me think of something. I have been hurt by people before, whether its through relationships or friendships, and it's hard letting myself open up and letting my feelings known so I am very guarded. Guarded so much that I never open up and I struggle with letting people know how much I care about them even after they make theirs feelings known. I learned that for relationships it is a give and take and you cannot just take and not return feelings. I have been struggling with this lately. Both giving too much and, in some relationships, not getting anything back and also not giving anything for fear of rejection.
So in something as simple as learning how to waltz with one of my friends, I learned a lesson as well. The same thing is with God. He is mighty and powerful and He can do all things. There are times in my life He takes over and there are times where I know He wants me to do something. Like dancing, one person has to lead. If I were to try and lead Sam while he was trying to lead me....it would be a mess. (especially since I had no idea what I was doing!) In life God is the one leading me through everything. There are times, a lot sometimes, that I try and lead as well and that is when life gets messy. I know I need to step back and let Him lead but sometimes I do not know what is going to happen and it's scary.
So I guess you can say life is a dance and you just need to let God lead through all the dips and spins and just enjoy the dance. 'Cause...come on who does not want the best dancer to lead them through life?!

Thank you for: sports

I have grown up playing sports for as long as I can remember. I don't think I remember a time where my mom was not driving us around in our white Dodge caravan between practices. My coaches referred to it as the 'McGann clan van' and it was known for the variety of magnets decorating the back of the van representing all the sports my siblings and I played.
I remember days where I was dreading practice because we lost the day before. I remember coaches yelling and joking around with us. I remember running into a field hockey cage post just to tip the ball into the cage with the entire high school boys soccer team watching me. (kinda embarrassing) I remember running for hours in the rain and frost. I remember dreading 6 am practices in college. But I remember the bus rides, the partner drills, the inside jokes and the relationships I made while being a part of a team.
I have learned through sports:
how to be a team player.
how a team works, that if one person is struggling it brings the whole team down.
how it is so important to work as a unit on the field and to do the best to work together off the field.
how to be a leader.
how to build your team up and always have each others back.
how to push through when things are getting hard.
how to respect my coaches and other players (even when I don't always agree)
how I am stronger than I think.
how every person of a team is so important.

There are tons of things I have learned from being an athlete. I miss the nerves right before the whistle blows in the beginning of a game. I miss the adrenaline rush when you score or win a tough game. I miss the feeling of leaving it ALL on the field and knowing you did your best. I miss seeing the talents and abilities God made my body able to do as I push it. I miss the soreness and battle scars. I miss the friends I have made through the years. I am extremely thankful for the ability to play sports for a majority of my life and how that has shaped me so much today. It's sometimes hard to understand what it is like to be an athlete unless you are one. I am thankful for the struggles and the blood, sweat, and tears through all the years. So, don't let the field hockey skirt fool you....I can handle myself on a field :)

Thank you for: silence

It has been snowing the past few days at camp and it is beautiful! Yesterday evening I was helping feed the horses before heading down to dinner and as we were letting them out for the night it started to snow. It was so peaceful and....quiet. Snow seems to do that. It put a blanket of silence over camp. As I watched the horses eat their hay I felt the silence surround me but not in a bad way. It seemed to wrap me in its blanket to keep me warm. 
We are constantly surrounded by sound. It is hard to find silence and sometimes when it corners us we run from it. I have run from the silence the past few weeks. How I run is through distractions by television, internet, books,  movies, music, work, people or anything else that keeps my mind busy. Silence means thinking and there are times I am scared of my thoughts or afraid of what God is trying to tell me through the silence. So, yes, lately I have been running from God. I think it is because He is trying to teach me something to help me grow but in the process I know it is going to be painful...so I run.

As the silence engulfed me yesterday, I felt a sense of peace. Yes, I am scared of silence and scared of the unknown but through it all I know God has been there for me through it all. Things change, people change and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Hayley sent this quote to me the other morning:
 "The steps of the believer are steeped in constant change. Fingers are painfully peeled away from the security of sameness, one at a time, again and again. Great wisdom lies in freeing our fellow sojourners....cherished though they are. With hands freshly loosened, we find liberty to embrace the One who will never change and courage to release to Him those who ever will."~ Beth Moore
Through the silence God speaks to me, so although I run and hide I am thankful for the silence reminding me that although I am scared and change is going to happen...God will never change or leave. 

Thank you for: the ability to work

I know that's weird title. But I really am thankful for the ability to work. When I hurt my back this summer that put me out for a while. I still try not to do some extreme heavy lifting, but having that to think about really makes me grateful of the things I can physically do. 
I've had some amazing jobs in my life. Some harder than others. But each has taught me something special. I have always loved working physical labor and I actually have kind of missed it recently. This past week I have been able to come up to camp and work and it has been a lot of fun. I have missed shoveling snow, chopping wood, feeding horses, cleaning, and even got to do some landscaping. I love working with my hands and creating things. 

I love my job with Axis, being able to travel and speak to students and parents. I love seeing what God is doing in the lives of students and families. He created us to work and cultivate. I must admit, there are mornings I do not want to get out of bed to work but seeing how much I have learned through working, it is amazing! 

I also am a strong advocate for having fun while working. This morning we got to make snow angels while shoveling the walks around camp. One of my bosses out here always makes fun of me for having fun while working, he always says work is not supposed to be fun. But I think I have a strength in making mundane things really fun. For example yesterday we were cleaning trash cans around camp and I made it a challenge by getting into one of the laundry carts and pushing myself around picking up the trash cans. At one of the pools I worked at we made a gondola out of a plastic tub and I made myself a mustache and attempted to float around the pool while listening to Italian music. I love having fun while working and I believe God created work to be fun at times. So as weird as it is to say I love working, I am really glad God gave us the ability to work because without it I would be pretty bored. 

Thank you for: my family

"McGann clan: annoying our cousins since 1952" was the logo on our family reunion shirts this past summer. I feel like that describes my family so well! My team was able to spend one time off on this past trip with my family and it was really cool to have my family meet my team and vice versa. My family is pretty awesome! I was able to skype with them the other day and it was so good to see them! I am so thankful of the time I was able to have with two of my siblings this past summer working at camp together. I think all four of us have gotten closer in the past few years. It is sad that I only see them about two or three times a year but I love the time I get.
I am on my own now and although I live across the country my parents are only ever a phone call away if I ever need anything. They have taught me so much and I know I would not be where I am today without them. I am so thankful for my family and the awesome times we have together. I miss my mom's cooking all the time now that I have to cook for myself and I have been dreaming about her mash potatoes for weeks! :) I cannot wait to see them all for Christmas!

Thank you for: my team

Team Pevensie. That is what we call ourselves. It has been such a blast traveling with these three phenomenal people. Our job is not normal. Not many people are put on a team that you live and travel with on the road and spent 24/7 together. It is a unique situation and although we do get frustrated we still can hang out with each other after a month on the road together. The guys on my team are so great! They challenge me with their chivalry. Not being used to having guys willing to open doors, carry bags, cook meals, and really take care of me is refreshing! It is also hard for me to give up my stubbornness to want to help. I am incredibly thankful for these guys who are willing to put up with my stubbornness. Having Hayley on my team is great because we have traveled before and have gotten really close and it's always nice to have girl time on the road :)

We have so much fun together as a team and I have loved learning about each of them and also watch how God is using our team as we travel around. He has blessed each of them with such amazing gifts and I love watching those skills come out on the road. They have each taught me so much already and I cannot wait to see how the rest of the semester pans out! I am definitely going to miss them at the end of this next year (but I am trying not to think about that yet)

Thank you for: my friends

Being away from home is hard at times. I miss what I have known my whole life but God has just blessed me amazingly with the ability to be surrounded with people who care for me. My roommate from college and I are able to have phone dates every Sunday and I love being able to start off my week talking to her. I have been able to keep in touch with some of my friends from FLI over the past few years as well and they have always been just a phone call away if I ever need anything! I have friends who pray for me and have taught me what friendship is. I have people in my life who have been able to call me out on my crap, listen to me vent, hug me when I am sad, and help me grow.

I miss seeing my friends who live so far away but being a part of the family of Christ enables us to pick up right where we left off despite the time or distance. I am so thankful for each of my friends who have taught me so much on how to be a friend. So if any of my friends are reading this....thank you! 

Thank you for: camp

I have had been able to be a part of a fantastic camp up in Colorado for the past year and a half. Quaker Ridge has become a home away from home for me. I was able to go up the other day just to get away and relax. Besides having a great family up there I have learned SO MUCH! I know how to open, run, and maintain a pool, use a chainsaw, log splitter, tractor, cook some great food, learned how to paint properly, drive stick, saddle a horse and many other things.

My bosses are some of the best I have ever had and have helped me out in so many ways. They have housed me when I first moved out to Colorado, fed me fantastic meals, gave me a job and let me work, and supported me financially with Axis. I have gotten great advice and so much wisdom from my bosses and can't thank them enough for teaching me so much and letting me work at camp and come back ;)

Thankful heart

In honor of November and Thanksgiving I have decided I am going to post blogs throughout the whole month about things I am thankful for. I will try and update as much as possible. We are finishing up our trip in a week and headed back to Colorado soon so I will have more time to post. So keep your eye out for posts this next month :) 

God moments

I have not updated in a while! Our first trip was so good! We had a ton of fun and we are now halfway through our second trip of the semester. We are now in Minnesota. Started out in Catasaqua, PA and had an amazing time! The senior girls asked me to do a dance with them for their talent show so I got to make a guest appearance :) then we had a few days off and we got to spend it with my family in New Jersey!!! I even got a chance to go down to EU and see some of my friends at homecoming. It was a very nice a relaxing few days. Then we hit up the big apple! Our host family up there was so great and Hayley and I got to be girlie and have facials and do our nails, hair and make-up with the daughters. Then we flew out to the Midwest and have spent the last few days with Taylor's family out here in Minnesota. We went to a concert and saw twentyone pilots in Minneapolis one night. Colin is really good friends with them and we got to hang out in their RV and play Mario kart. The concert was one of my favorites. If you ever get a chance to see them...do it! 

This past week we were in southern Minnesota. I had a bunch of fails during presenting this week. There is a magic trick I do with fire and I accidentally caught my hair on fire. Oops. Then just a few funny mess ups. God teaches me a lot everywhere we go. This school was no exception. 

I guess you can say I have been feeling a bit discouraged lately and during lunch one of the junior guys came over and talked to us. He was telling us how the stuff we talked about really got him thinking and pushing him forward in his faith and where he wants to go in life. Then I felt God whisper to me 'I did that through you guys.' Sometimes I feel like its a dream getting to do what we do. It is so much fun to talk to people and meet students. It can be hard and draining and with all the busyness it can, unfortunately, be easy to forget God through it all. But it's all God doing the work through the students we speak to. Not us. 

Then that night at the parent presentation, as I was introducing myself, I got a wave of just humility of seeing these parents there and how much they must love their kids that they are willing to come out and listen to four twenty something's, who do not have kids, talk. And during and after I felt this just awesome passion for...I don't even know what. I look back and I see that God was showing me just a piece of His heart for the students, parents and the families of that school. 

 I failed a bunch during the last few presentations, little things but I am hard on myself. Listening to parents and how much their kids were impacted and how much they loved our presentation. I could just sense God saying to me, 'this is where I want you now. I am working through you to do this for students. To impact so many people.' 

But how AWESOME is our God who wants to work through me. Who fails so often and is broken and messed up. I can never fully understand sometimes that He loves me. And I always seem to search for validation from outside sources. But He was just telling me that He cares and He is in control and that He is able to use me and how I am good enough sometimes for that.  How amazing is that!? How humbling that He would be able to use me. There are times I get moments of just humility and awe of who God is. They hit me hard and strong and I never know why I forget his awesomeness. I think that there are times where God shows himself to me but I am too distracted to notice. But I am learning when you open yourself up to His heart, you start to see where and how He is working and.....it is AWEsome! 

So are you opening your eyes to what God is doing around you? What is in the way of you seeing God's hand? 

Do you remember?

Ever have one of those moments where you just feel really low and need a pick-me-up? I had one of those the other day. It was a long day and I had learned of a girl I played field hockey and lacrosse with  all through high school, had dies of a brain aneurysm. It was so sad. My legs almost gave out when I found out. My grandfather and great uncle died last fall and both were more expected. She had my back on and off the field for four years. It just hit me really hard. I was also a bit stressed over work stuff and friendships and I just had one of those "Ahhhh God what is going on?" moments.

It was a very lost feeling. So I got down and prayed. All alone on our town house, I was venting, crying and talking to God about how I felt. During me catching a breath I felt the need to go down and get my journal. My Ebenezer journal. 

While at FLI we had a woman's retreat at Glen Eyrie castle here in Colorado Springs. It was nice to get away just us girls. We worshiped, read through scripture and just hung out. During that time we talked about the importance of remembering God's grace, forgiveness and love. There are sometimes we forget. We looked at a passage in 1 Samuel 7 where Samuel the prophet prays to God because the Philistines were coming to attack them. God delivered Israel from the hands of the Philistines. In an act of remembering God's goodness, Samuel placed a stone where they were saved and called it Ebenezer, which means stone of help. So we made journals of remembrance. I wrote things that reminded me of God's grace through my life and memories of where I have really seen Him work. So I grabbed my journal and started to read through it. 

I was filled with a sense of peace and joy remembering God's amazing work in my life. Then I was hit with a sadness because it is so easy sometimes for me to forgets the awesome things He has done.  I was overwhelmed with gratefulness. A similar things happened today! I was driving back from a chiropractor appointment and I got a phone call from a woman at Eastern who is in charge of internships. She was interviewing a few people about their experience and I finally got a chance to talk to her after a few missed calls and emails exchanged. I talked about my experience interning with FCA both out in Colorado and back in Philadelphia. I was reminded of how amazing an experience it was, how it taught me so much and how I am here today because of that. 

(Top picture is me speaking at a FCA middle school huddle in Philadelphia and the bottom is me and some of my small group girls at Cheyenne Mt. High School in CO.)

Sometimes we need to be reminded of God's amazing work. At the end of one of our presentations we have all the students write down somethings they do not want to forget about having Axis there and we put them in envelopes and give them to their teachers to give back to them in six months or so. It must be so great to look back and remember what touched them after so much time has passed. As much as we need to remember God's grace everyday sometimes we need it more than others. 

How do you remember God's faithfulness? Do you need an 'Ebenezer stone'? 

Just be yourself!

A new year and a new start with Axis! I have been back in Colorado for the past, almost three weeks now. My team has been in the office working hard and re-vamping some of our new family presentation and reading lots of books. Of course adventures are always in my schedule and we have had fun hiking, paddle boarding, climbing, and just hanging out as a team! The guys on my team are so fun to hang out with! We have been able to cook meals together, go horseback riding, and just hang out a lot the past few weeks. 

This is my team on the top of pulpit rock in Colorado! (left to right: Colin, Taylor and Hayley and me)

It has been an interesting transition coming into Axis after being at camp all summer. The new interns have been here since July and they have had six weeks of training and spending a lot of time together. When Hayley and I came back after the summer we realized we missed out on a lot. With the other two teams on the road it has given a chance for our team to get to know one another which has been great! I love the other interns too! And when we are all in town we have a great time together! 

Driving around the other day our new team director, Colin, Hayley and I we were talking about personalities. (We were able to go to Focus Leadership Institute the day before to hear from one of my old professors about strengths). Colin mentioned something about my personality and I remember saying something about how that is not close to how excited I can get. (many of you have most likely seen me really really excited about something) He asked why I don't do that. I said I don't know and he  said, "just be yourself." (I think I wrote a post on this last semester too.) It has been something I have been struggling with lately. I don't know why but I am finding it hard to be myself. It doesn't make sense really if you think about it. How can it be hard to be yourself?? Part of me is trying to find a role in my new group of friends and I guess my 'usual role' is taken. So a part of me feels lost and that is when I hide. So I hide myself from others. 

We got to see Del Tackett speak at FLI on Saturday and he mentioned something that stuck with me. He said that culture has trained us so well to wear a mask in order to please the others around us. But God exposes us. Being in God's presence exposes parts of us that we don't want others to see. We fit in roles we make up for ourselves that don't make sense. We try to hide who God created us to be. That's kinda rude if you think about it. Imagine you work so hard to make a gift for someone to use and they get it and don't use but hide it. I would feel really hurt. I think that is the same way with God. He made each one of us special and different and gives us gifts and talents that we hide. I know I do sometimes. 

As weird as the problem is...I need to start just being myself and being comfortable instead of hiding behind masks and trying to fit inside roles and boxes I create for myself. Get ready team! 

as I grow up...

With camp over I got the chance to go home and surprise my mom :) (note*: if the last post was confusing it was because I had to cover my mom knowing I was coming home) It was a great surprise! I walked in and she laughed and started to cry. It was so good to see her and be home for a week. I got a chance to see friends and family and go to the beach!! I also got a chance to go to my family reunion. It was so great to see my extended family while I was home too!

As much as I wanted to relax when I was home I had so much fun catching up with friends. I realized something when I was home. I love going home. I love seeing my family and hanging out. It seems that  no matter how much I change and grow...home is still home. I guess I can say that in good ways home never changes for me but sometimes I feel like I am who I was before I grew up. It's a strange feeling. As I grow up I see how much God has shaped my since high school. When I catch up with old friends it's sometimes like I never left. I guess growing up is finding who you are and bringing that home with you.
But now I am back in Colorado first week back at Axis under my belt! Lots of reading and rehearsing left to do. We will be hitting the road in a little less than a month. My team is AWESOME! It makes me so excited for this next year of traveling. Well that is it for my ramblings today. Tune in soon for more thoughts from Kaitlin :)

it's the end of the summer as we know it

Camp is over. We packed up our cars and headed out. It was really sad to leave. This summer staff was a great staff and I know I am going to miss every single person. It was hard to say goodbye to all the friends we made this summer and go back to our respected places all over the country. It's also hard knowing that these friends I made I may never see or talk to again. Life comes and it gets busy.
I must admit that in the beginning of the summer I was prepared to leave after a week. (I guess that's what traveling for a job does to you) But I was scared to settle and make friends because I knew that we would just leave soon. Needless to say, I grew close to my co-workers and it made my heart hurt to leave. I have never been good at goodbyes. I guess I get too attached.

It was also sad to see my boss and his wife leaving after this summer. They got an amazing opportunity in Oregon working with YFC. I know they are going to do AMAZING and God is going to use them to speak love into those students lives. It is hard to watch them leave. They have made camp home for me the past two summers and last fall. As excited as I am for them I know camp will not be the same without them. And who knows maybe a year from now I will be talking about going to Oregon as well.  A few of my friends have been thinking about it lately. Who knows what God has planned. :)
But for now I drove up with my brother and sister to the airport this morning. I know they are going to miss Colorado. I am excited they have fallen in love with it too. (It's kinda hard not to!!) My sister was taking pictures the entire way up to remember the mountains. I am going to miss them terribly. It was so much fun to have them out here this summer. I got to watch Sean be amazingly hilarious at camp and see how much everyone loves him. I got to see Erin come out of her shell and be pursued by a incredible young man at camp and now they are dating. :) It breaks my heart to see how sad she is that she is going back home. I know the feeling. But I hope they can make it work.
So it is another summer gone and Axis starts up again soon. I am excited to get on the road but sad to leave my QRC family. I am sorry it is not a deeper post but I will be back soon to recap a bit on the summer. But until then...soak up the sunshine! I plan on attempting to get my stomach not blinding white and relaxing my back this week. Yay!

Taking my breath away

Camp is about to wrap up. We only have about three more groups left! Let me catch you us on stuff going on. My brother and sister are out here working :) I got a chance to pick them up from the airport and it has been so GREAT to have them here. I wish my other brother could have made it as well. But I love having them here.

I have mentioned before that we are going through Love Does and how awesome the staff has been this year. Last night was just another example. We had dinner down at the barn with the campers and some of the staff, including me, were sitting on the hitching posts for the horses hanging off them. One of the staff did a flip all the way around backwards and I decided to try it to. Mistake. I got around but didn't quite make it and fell hard on my back. I have not had the wind knocked out of me that hard since I was about 8 years old on the bumper cars at the board walk. It was very painful. Needless to say it took a while for me to be able to breathe, talk and then move.  

this is what it looked like....

The staff crowded around to make sure I was ok and one of the girls put here knees up behind me to hold me up while I attempted to relax and catch my breath. That support was so great! They all walked me back to the nurse and stayed with me until they knew it was ok. I had a car ready to take me to urgent care if needed and prayer was said over my back as soon as it happened.

It always humbles me to see how much people care for me. These people I just met a few months ago. And they are willing to drop everything to take me to urgent care if I need to go. (which I didn't, don't freak out mommy) I have always been stubborn especially when it comes to being hurt or sick. I try to act all tough and strong but sometimes I can't. Seeing my brother and sister's faces when I could not move, and the worry they had scared me. I have always been the big sister. I have always wanted to be strong for them and never to have them worry about me. Last night reminded me that I can be taken care of too. As much as I want to be strong...sometimes I just can't. 
I know I have written posts about strength before and I am seeing how God is using these lessons to show me, time and time again, that it is ok to be weak to rely on others. Because at times we cannot do it on our own. We have to use the people around us and that is why He puts those people in our lives. If we were meant to be alone we would be but we were meant for relationship and community and that is what our hearts yearn for. 
My back is doing better and I am grateful for the chance to relax today and grateful that I am not stubborn enough to listen to the voice of reason surrounding me telling me to rest instead of proving to myself I am ok. Gotta hate that :)

what do words even mean?

It is officially summer! We have 5 more weeks of camp and it is so weird! Young life was here for a month and they left on Sunday. It was sad to see them all leave. I really loved having the summer staff here this year. They were so much fun to be around. It feels like summer is just starting now and it's already halfway over. I must say it is bittersweet. The staff this summer has been phenomenal. We have gotten pretty close and it is a fun group of people!
As a staff we are going through the book Love Does by Bob Goff. (I mentioned this in the previous post) We have been having amazing discussions each week with the chapters. We read a chapter about words and how important words are to people. He told a story about how when he was growing up he was on a baseball team and was awful. One game he hit a home run and hit coach sent him a card at the end of the season saying how it was a great hit and he was a real ball player. Those words, he said, stuck with him.
I am learning more and more that I am like Peter in many ways. I have strongly identified with the story where Jesus calls him to walk on water and step out. Jesus called him "the rock" (no not like dwayne johnson) when Jesus knew Peter was going to deny him. Maybe, he was calling something out of Peter when he did that. I know for me if someone genuinely encourages me it makes me believe it, if only for a bit.
I can remember nice things that people have told me. I also remember the negative things. Sometimes the negative I remember even more. Its strange how much words can shape our lives. I also think that the words we say to ourselves are just as powerful. The things we tell ourselves over and over again become things that we believe. In the back of my head all mu life I have heard the words,"you are not good enough." After hearing it for so long...I started to believe it. Those words shaped how I viewed everything. t has been in the past few years I have been blessed with friends who have spoken encouragement into those lies and have helped me see that I am good enough. God speaks truth through His Word and through people around us. A simple, "God is going to do great things in your life." (by someone I really admire) has shaped how I feel about my future.
A simple encouraging word can shape a persons life forever. Who are you going to encourage today??

just do it

First week of campers here at camp this week. It's been a pretty hectic time! But all in all it has been good to finally get in the swing of things. The summer staff this year is pretty awesome I must say. Although, I am missing a few from last year. We, as a staff, are going through the book Love Does by Bob Goff. I highly recommend it!
Each chapter is a different story from his life with an amazing twist to it. One of the first chapters we read he talked about how love just does. (hence the title of the book) Love is an action, love is a verb. (cue in dc talk song here....) But sometimes in order to life a life of love we need to just do. In the introduction Donald Miller, who writes it, gives a really good picture of what Bob is going to portray in the rest of the book.
"...love does things. It writes a letter and gets on a plane. It orders pizza and jumps in a lake. It hugs and prays and cries and sings."
I love that! How many times have we just not done something because it scares us or it seems to crazy or to big or outside of ourselves?? Well, each chapter of this book tells a story of stepping outside of that and taking action and letting love do things. Loving is scary! Doing something for someone else with no motive...who does that anymore?!? Each story that we have read so far Bob is doing things. The first step is to just do it. To step out of that typical-ness or normal and comfortable and live a life of love. And not just live it but to live it in a way that it becomes a part of who we are.
We were all going out to do something one night and one of the summer staff wanted to sleep, so one of the girls turned to him and said, "When you are old and you look back on your life are you going to say, 'oh man, I really regret that time I didn't get enough sleep.'? No!" I liked that. I know there are times I wish I did more, I wish I helped out a certain person, got to know a classmate or co-worker better, or really took time to share my faith with someone else. So what is the answer to all that.... don't sit around and wish you did...just do it!

new adventure ahead

Hello! I am currently back at camp working. We have a group of women up here this weekend and the summer staff heads up next week and then we start summer! It snowed up here about 10 inches yesterday. I was not prepared for that. When I packed for the summer I did not think I would need my winter clothes...luckily I had some boots and under-armor up at camp from the fall. But I am excited for warm weather and to get back to my pool and get tan. :) My sister is coming out with me this summer as my other lifeguard which I am so excited about as well!
More news: So a few months ago, while on the road, I received an email from Axis asking me back for the next semester. Starting in the fall we are going to be having three teams and interns will stay not only for a semester but for an entire year. After a lot of prayer and seeking advice from my parents and friends I have decided to continue. I feel like God is telling me that He is not done with me yet and still has a ton to teach me. I was finally becoming comfortable with the presentations at the end of the semester and I plan on spending the summer working on them and studying more. I am excited to see what the next year brings! Thank you so much for your support and prayers throughout this semester!! keep checking back here for updates throughout the summer if you seem to like following my random ramblings about life and, now, about my summer job. More ramblings to come soon :)

My semester in @ 6 min

our last night...

End of the semester. We are currently in Portland, Oregon on our last night of our trip. We are at a host home and had a chance this afternoon to see a BEAUTIFUL waterfall!! It was fun! We have spent all day driving so it was nice to get out and explore. It has been a great semester! I have a video that I am going to post of my semester with some fun clips and pics. :) I will update in a few days after we get back to Colorado.
I have loved being a part of this amazing team of people and all the experiences we had together! God really worked wonders through each of us. I don't know where God will take each of us. Caleb is headed to grad school in the fall and Patrick will be with Axis of course, and Hayley decided to do another year of Axis. More updates later. Until then I am going to hang out with my team!

"Stop worrying about what tomorrow holds"

There are two different types of worry. Worry that leads you towards action and resolving that worry and toxic worry that can paralyze you. Too much worry can hinder you from doing things well also. A few weeks ago I decided to write down everything that has been worrying me. I was seeing that I was avoiding God and working through some things. When that happens I get stressed and worn down so I took some time alone on one of our days off in FL and started to try and work through some of the things God was putting on my heart.
So I wrote down everything I was stressed or worried about. I started out with some obvious things (finding a job and paying off loans) but the more time I took I realized I was worried about a lot more. After writing them all down I sat and looked through everything I had written down and prayed through each one. I had no idea how to start getting over those worries so I just prayed that God would show me.
Looking back on my life I can see that God answers things in ways that I never thought. At our host home the other night we were asked, by their small group bible study, how we knew we wanted to do something like Axis. I was reminded of a few times I prayed to God to make me vulnerable, while at FLI, and then senior year in college I prayed for Him to break me. He did both. I learned through friendship and heartbreak how to be vulnerable and not close my heart to the people around me. During senior year I was broken to the core as He built me back up again. In the same way I prayed these worries to Him. It didn't take much time for God to start eliminating them...one by one. In the most random of situations He was showing me, "You don't need to worry about this. I've got it."
It is amazing how He can show Himself in the strangest of times by the most random people. But it is just a reminder of how He is always there with us no matter our situations or how stressed or worried we seem to be.
I guess that is my rant for now. Speaking at a high school tomorrow and friday then a local church on Sunday for our second family presentation. A busy few days but excited to be with students again!! But until later I am about to watch Harry Potter with my host family. :)

Update:

We are back in Colorado! We narrowly missed the storm that went through Missouri the day after we left. Missouri was cold! We have been blessed to have been able to go to warm states all semester so far! I guess we had to experience some cold in Missouri. But it was a good time there! We switched one of the guys of each of our teams so we had a new member which was really fun! We were at a middle school and got a chance to break up into four small groups and spent some good time getting to know our group of kids really well. Below is a pic of my small group of 7th graders :)

From there we headed to the beautifully warm state of CALIFORNIA! We were north in Sacramento at a church youth retreat. These 32 students gave up their spring break week to spent at their church sleeping on the ground, with no showers, and spent their days out in the community of Sacramento serving. We were split up into four teams and paired with a youth leader and between 8-12 students. My team, who called themselves the penguin juggernauts, spent our first day at a local nursing home and played bingo for about two hours! Let me tell you, do not mess with elderly people and their bingo!  They get so competitive. Then the afternoon was spent at an organization called Love Inc. and it was spent organizing their offices.
Day 2 we were at Loaves & Fishes moving boxes in their storage shed and organizing. That afternoon we were at a local house that takes in kids off the streets and we helped with painting and building a fire pit. Lots of heavy lifting and only smashed one of my fingers in the process :)
Day 3 we spent the morning at a local house that takes in children off the streets and help them through school. We organized their food barn and cleaned out a few rooms then some of the guys cooked us lunch. My team finally got to shower that afternoon at the local YMCA since there were no showers at the church and we headed to a scavenger hunt and private communion at the church before dinner with everyone else. It was a really fun experience! Being able to spend time with the students not only when we were speaking (oh right I forgot to mention that part...we did speak every morning and night) and then beside them doing missions work throughout the community! Below is a picture of my team!! They named themselves the Penguin Juggernauts and they loved to sing in the van rides...very loudly. But it was a great time with these kids!

So we are now headed to our last trip of the semester!! I have some exciting news but I think I will wait. :) We are headed to Washington and Oregon and after this trip I will have been to 28 states!! Making my way! I am excited to see the beauty of these two states. I have heard that they are so pretty! So please continue to be praying for my team and I. We are speaking at two schools and will be doing our second family presentation at a church! So that will be fun. I will try and update more when we are on the road. But until then...time to hit the trails again! Bye for now!

:)

Hey everyone! I couldn't help laughing when I watched this video haha just watch Caleb (one of the guys on my team) in the background. We had a two days off in Florida so we hit the beach! But hope you enjoy my tiny update walking along the Gulf of Mexico in Florida :)

wise words from the far east

We are back in the springs! We just had our week of and it was no nice to be able to relax and sleep in. :) But I am ready to get back on the road tomorrow. We had our FIRST family presentation a few weekends ago. We did a recap this week for the staff that haven't seen it yet. 

It was amazing to see these families together. We had grandparents, parents, kids, singles...pretty much everyone! It was so great! A part of our presentation we had every person sit and worship in silence for a bit and pray about things they would feel they need to confess to their families. We looked at, throughout the entire presentation, different things that get in the way of being with your family. For example: technology, media/culture, and reading the bible out of context. We had each person ask themselves questions at the end of each session. So in our moment of silence there was a chance to reflect on those questions. After that we gave families the chance to confess those things to each other. It was amazing!

Many people came up to me at the end and thanked us for allowing them to do that, how they do not do that enough with their families. It's sad but true, we feel like we can't be honest with our families anymore. I was out in the lobby looking at these families gathered together. I saw a dad with his two kids and wife gathered in the corner praying together and it just reminded me of the importance of a father's role. While researching for the family presentation I read a lot of books and one of the days I was hit with the reminder of the importance of a father's role in our lives. So, because I am an awesome daughter :), I texted my dad to tell him how amazing he is. So I got chance to talk to him later and he had some great insights about a father's role:

"Dad’s play a very important role in their children’s lives. In many ways, children understand their relationship with Father God through their relationship with their own fathers. That makes it vital that fathers stay in relationship with God to allow the Holy Spirit to reveal the heart of Father God through our earthly fathers.

What legacy do we as fathers leave to our children? How do we allow God’s Spirit and love to reach our children? The life of faith is the legacy we must leave for our children.

There are many times I realize that I did not demonstrate God’s love to my own children. I allowed frustration, anger, selfishness and negative attitudes to rule my actions and words. The obvious interference in the last two sentences were “me” (look at how many times I and my show up) And that is exactly what becomes the hindrance to reaching our families for Christ, when we get in the way. We as fathers must let God the Father rule us in such a way that we diminish and He increases! Allowing God to touch our children through us is our mission and co-mission with God! That is how to leave a lasting legacy!"

me and my dad on my 13th birthday

My dad is amazing! As I get older he just seems to get wiser ;) It is so true though! And as we interact with more families it is so great to see the parents, and dad's, so involved with their students spiritual growth. Makes me miss my family and realize how blessed I am to have a great family and a great dad. 

'Be yourself' card

So my team is pretty awesome! They are all veterans so I am the rookie of the team. First semester on the road learning a ton. There are pros and cons. Pros: they can all save me if I mess up on a presentation (which I have) and they all have helped me learn the material and been really patient with me as I do. Cons: because they are all amazing and I am the only one messing up I feel like I need to do as good as them and beat myself up when I don't. So that is pretty tough. I have heard the phrase 'you are your own worst critic' but I never really applied it to myself. I know I psycho-analyze myself the worst! (That's what having a psych degree does to you) But I never knew how hard I am on myself when I mess up. But luckily I have an awesome team to help me out.
So we are in southern California otherwise, known as socal. It has been beautiful and sunny! We got a chance to celebrate the president's birthdays by hitting up the beach last Monday and then again yesterday. It was my first time seeing and touching the PACIFIC OCEAN!!!! The other girl on my team Hayley also experience it for the first time! It was a good day!
We have been pretty busy. We started off in Auburn last weekend up near Sacramento speaking at a church. Then flew down to the L.A area spoke at a school then drove back up to Auburn (long 7 hr drive) did our FIRST family presentation at the church then just drove back down to L.A spent our sabbath on the beach yesterday and the rest of the week speaking at another school. It has been a lot of travel and moving but it's been fresh and new so also exciting. Our family presentation was amazing! We had little sleep but so many people said they enjoyed it. It is amazing what God is going to do with those families. So that is just an update about what is going on lately.
Last week my team director, Patrick, looked at me and randomly said "One of these days you are going to get a 'be yourself' card and I am going to let you go crazy. Because you should be allowed to be yourself." If you are reading this and know me I bet this may sound a bit strange to you. Well, it has been taking a bit to warm up for me. Along with all my insecurities and beating myself up I have not really opened myself. And because it has taken a while I also don't want to scare them too bad with my hyperness at times and excitedness. :)
All in all I am finding my place. It feels like that would be easy but I feel like I have a lot to live up to with three other amazing team members. But as we go on God has been showing me where I am strong and what strengths I have to honor Him.

Here are some pics of our trip so far:

with some of the students at our first venue

Family presentation set up...place was packed full!!

our day at Newport beach

"time to walk on water, Kaitlin"

First Axis trip done. I am in the office a bit this week working on other presentations and also trying to catch up on sleep and just relax a bit. I also get a chance to process. Being on the road is really fun! I have gotten to meet some amazing people and seen some beautiful sights. California is b-e-a-utiful! One of my best friends and I are planning a road trip out there one day and I cannot wait to explore it more. But on to more Axis stuff...

Since coming back many of my friends, family and Axis staff have been asking me how it went, how did I do and what was my favorite part. For some reason I have been finding it hard to pinpoint how to exactly answer them. I guess I can narrow it down to three words:  

It. Was. Hard. 

I did not expect my response to be that after my first trip. Do not get my wrong I am really enjoying what I am getting to do! But I think God has a different plan for this semester that I am going to spend with Axis. Our first event was really exciting. I got a chance to meet some students and I was speaking which was fun but challenging. On our last day of speaking we did our presentation on doubt. While doing this presentation I was experiencing my own doubts and by the end I was beating myself up over my skills and abilities. I started to doubt why I was there and what I was doing. It was hard. He started to show me a lot of things I need to work on and things I need to come to terms with about myself. Some of it had to do with insecurities that I have. I realized many of my insecurities while at FLI two years ago but with learning so many other things I was under some strange idea that because I was aware of them I was conquering them. Which was, obviously, not the case at all.
My team is doing something awesome! When we are on the road we started having morning devotions. We spend our mornings together in prayer and in the Word together. It has been amazing! We also spend one day a week in sabbath and take communion together on that day. On our last sabbath I spent much needed time praying and journaling. I like writing my prayers down in journal form. As you may know, I am an external processor, and writing things down helps me see if ideas even make sense. So while journaling about all these things that God was revealing to me and scaring me I realized I was letting those doubts and insecurities fester.
What makes it a bit ironic is that in our presentation of doubt I talk about how we can't let our doubts fester because they can eat away at our faith. I experienced this my sophomore year of college. While journaling I heard the words, "time to walk on water, Kaitlin." I know I struggle. I know that I have a long way to go and it's going to be hard.
For the past three years I have had the reoccurring theme in my life of 'walking on water'. I love the story on Matthew of Peter walking on water and Britt Nicole has a song titled that. (of course) I have had so many instances where God is just pushing me out of my comfort zone. Deciding not to play field hockey, going to FLI and moving to CO. In this instance He was telling me the same thing. I need to break down those walls and just take that step and no matter what happens it's my time to walk on water.
I am excited for this journey!! He is already teaching me I cannot wait to see what else He has planned. I am learning to trust Him with my abilities and my support raising. Here are some pictures of my trip to California :)

crossing the Golden Gate Bridge with San Fran in the distance

 Hayley and I with our first in-n-out experience :)

 TeamPatrick with some of the students in our last venue.

Please prayerfully consider supporting me. You can click the button on the top right of the page :) Thank you so much! 

Here are some updates from my first Axis trip to California! We just finished at our last school and decided to see the Golden Gate Bridge :) It was so beautiful!! Enjoy :)

I am off!

Working with Axis has been so great so far, and I am not even on the road yet! I have my first presentation tomorrow morning at a local high school. This is Axis' first time speaking at a public school so that is sort of a big deal. I have been practicing all day with my awesome team director, Patrick and although I am nervous I think I will do ok. Helps that my boss has been really great and encouraging me all day. I think he knows I am nervous. I mean wouldn't you be if you had to stand up in front of about 200 kids at 8am to talk to them?!? Well I am feeding off of their energy and I will be practicing tonight a bunch.
Our team director is taking us out to dinner tonight as a team to celebrate our send off! We leave on sunday for....wait for it...CALIFORNIA! Wahooo! Now as an east coast girl I am pretty stoked to be hitting the west coast. I expect to try some in-n-out burger (which I have heard is amazing!) And take in the pacific ocean! I also get the privilege of speaking at two different high schools with my team in northern California.
I will be taking tons of pictures, of course, and possibly some videos because I love to do that. I am ready to hit the road and excited to experience California and build relationships to these students. As my team director told me today: we need to bring God with us because He will speak through us. I am excited to see what God uses us to do. Please pray for my team as we head out and please consider supporting me as I start with Axis :) the button is on the top right of this page. So feel free to click on it!

California here I come!!!

I love to eat lunch outside

The weather out here has been AH-MAZING the past week or so. Today it is 60 degrees and tomorrow it is supposed to get up to 66! I am loving it! We have been spending our lunch breaks outside in the sunshine....in January! This is still blowing my mind. I will give a story to have it make a bit more sense. Today I logged on Facebook and scrolled through my newsfeed to see so many of my friends complaining about the cold weather. Apparently, it is the coldest it has been in two years back east! (says a friend's status)
I looked up on my computer the temperature and back at school, in PA, it is 23 degrees and back home, in NJ, it is 18 degrees. I feel slightly bad for them since I am enjoying beautiful weather! But then again I look at the temperature and it says 23 degrees...that is not cold. It is cold but not that cold. The beginning of last week it was 1 degree when I came into work and before that it dipped into the negatives. So because of that reasoning I do not feel completely bad. Sorry east coast friends and family.
So, I am just going to enjoy the weather that I have now and it is time to take lunch. So outside I go!

p.s. Unfortunately this amazing weather makes me want it to be summer soon but alas...it is still January. No fair.

Still that girl

I love music. There are some things that I cannot say that are said so much better through songs. I use music to 'escape' you could say. If I am mad, upset, and even really happy and excited I go to music. Music is really important in many of our lives. It really can affect us. There is music that pumps me up so I can go for a run and have motivation to do it. There is music that has no words, like movie soundtracks, that I like to listen to when I am reading my Bible, studying or just to relax. I have a playlist on my iPod of songs that I could listen to if I am really upset and need a cry or be able to get my feelings out. I also have songs that are happy and just cheerful roll-down-your-car-window-blast-your-music-beautiful-day kind of stuff.
If you have read some of my past posts you may know already, my favorite artist is Britt Nicole. The name of my blog is part of some of her lyrics as well. She has four albums (I have all of them) and they have gotten me through some of the best and worst times of my life. I can relate to many of her songs in some way. A song off her first album helped me through my first heart break. So I have a special spot for her music in my heart :)
Side note: (cause I like to do these) I met her one year at Revelation Generation and she was extremely sweet. She signed a cd for me and looked at me and said, "God has great things planned for your life." So, yeah, she is awesome.
Anyways...I am not here to promote Britt (she is just great). The other day I was driving back from work and I had a playlist going and one of her songs came on. It is called Still That Girl. The beginning few lines I love but it was the chorus that got me this time.

You were young, you were free
And you dared to believe
You could be the girl
Who could change the world
Then your life took a turn
And you fell, and it hurt
But you're still that girl
And you're gonna change this world...
You're still that girl

 The beginning talks about looking at pictures from years past and how the girl looked in the picture and realizing how much had changed from the picture to the present. She then sings that you are still that girl, and you're going to change this world. I came across a few pictures and old videos from a few years ago and it struck me how much has changed in just a few years. As you know, I have graduated college and moved across the country and working with an amazing group called Axis (you should support me!) But looking through those old pictures I see the memories. I see the smiles and laughter. I see the hugs and affections from friends. I also see me. And part of being able to see me is being able to know who I was, what I was feeling, and what was going on in my head when that memory was captured. I see a girl. I see me. 

Looking back at those photos I realize I have changed. I mean who doesn't when they go through college?!? Hearing the lyrics of you're still that girl made me realize, yeah I am still the same person, things have shaped me and changed me. Things have hurt me and I have fallen but I have gotten back up and grown from that. But I am still that girl. I sometimes do not know how to put my thought to words and that is where music comes in but that is where I am. I am still that girl from those pictures long ago. My surroundings, friends, and hair may have changed but I am still that girl and with God's help I am going to change this world.

Puttin' my edumacation to use

This week has been pretty good so far...and it is only Tuesday morning! Well, I guess you can say I had a pretty good Monday. So yesterday I got a chance to meet with two of my professors from Focus Leadership Institute who taught the marriage and family class when I was there two years ago. We are working on a family presentation and we got a chance to meet with them and pick their brains for a bit. It was so great to see them again and a lot of what we talked about I remembered from class with them or classes from Eastern.
When we left my boss gave me a few reading assignments and told me to look up some things that they had mentioned in our meeting. What do ya know but I was put in charge of researching Piaget and Erickson's developmental stages! Ok maybe you have no idea what I am talking about and this is possibly where my nerdy side comes out. Jean Piaget and Erik Erickson were both psychologists. They developed these theories on the stages of development that many people follow today. As being a psychology major in college it made me really excited to put my degree to use.
As cheesy as it sounds, I called my mom at the end of the day all excited. She seemed excited too! That all the money put towards college I am putting to use. So that was pretty exciting. So I thank my professors for all their knowledge and for teaching me!

Note: I think I am going to do a video update soon. So that will be fun!

new chapter...new haircut

New beginnings. So I have a new job with Axis. (which you should support me :D) It is a new year and I decided...why not just cut my hair off. [Ok as a disclaimer it was not in an act of anger or disapproving of how I look.]
But a day before New Years Eve my best friend and I went to the hair salon and I went short. Like really short. Think...pixie. Now this was a bit different for me. I have had long hair my entire life. I got a chance to donate the 12 in or so I cut off to an organization which was really great!
It's strange. Not to have long hair anymore and I am working on figuring out how to style it and work with it everyday. But it feel nice. There are moments I miss my long hair but I think its more of an appreciation of it. The reason I decided to make a post on this was because...well I thought it would be different and not many people know I cut it off. Last night at the host home I am staying at the wife asked if she could see a picture of me with long hair because she just sees me as short hair and it seems so natural. That was weird for me. I thought about it and Axis people only know me with my short hair.  I have wanted to do this for a while and as soon as the ponytail was cut off it felt good. I know there are articles saying that 'short hair makes women feel more confident' and stuff like that. I do not think it comes with the short hair. I mean I did not feel this overwhelming sense of confidence when my hair was cut off. That idea is based solely around self-confidence. Which can be a good thing. I feel as women we are constantly trying to find our self-confidence and self-worth. Some people search their entire lives just looking for that one things they feel is missing.
In 1 Corinthians (The Message) it says:

"Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God-confidence."

So many people look for confidence in themselves. But like that verse says, it's useless. We are humans; we fail and we fall. We fell in the beginning because we chose badly. I know I am very critical about myself and I am sure you are too. By finding confidence in God, we don't have to do that anymore. He loves us for who we are because He created us. We can fail a million, billion, or gazillion (which we will) times but no matter how much we fail...He will always love us. He will look at us just as we are and not see all the faults that we 'claim' to see in ourselves. 
So I can cut off all my hair, change the way I dress, wear ridiculous high heels all the time. (which would be incredibly painful!) But He will still love me for me. 
So maybe instead of just trying to find confidence in yourself, find it in God because I believe He is up there rooting for me to succeed even when I don't believe I can. 

my Axis adventure begins!!

Hey friends! I am sorry I have not been updating but I have not been able to get internet where I am staying, only when I am at work. So we have some down time and I am updating :)
Started training last week and it is kinda scary. So much material and three of the other team members were a part of Axis last semester so they already know all the material. So we are starting fresh. I am learning a TON which is so much fun. I have really missed learning since graduating college. The thesis of Axis is that the issue is NOT unanswered questions...the issue is unquestioned answers and that is our goal. To get students all over the country to ask themselves the hard questions to get those answers they never have gotten before. Going through the material is getting me to ask some pretty tough questions as well.
The Axis staff is so great! We have had a bunch of meals the past few days at different staff members houses and they have been amazing! Last night I learned, with another team member, how to make authentic corn tortillas and we had a mexican feast in celebration of Kings Day. Which is the Mexican holiday like our Christmas.
There are two teams that travel with Axis during a semester. One team is leaving bright and early tomorrow morning for Texas. My team leaves later in the month so we will be working on other presentations and preparations. I am excited to get on the road! Although I am not sure where I will be headed first I am excited to visit new places. :)
Please pray for the Axis staff as we start to head out. High schoolers are a tough crowd and I pray God can open their hearts and minds to some great conversations and thoughts.
More updates to come soon!!