What is your story??

Back east. The air is thicker which is strangely weird but my brother came home the other night from college and now the Lopat 6 is now complete!! (yes cheesy name) It has been so great to be home. I really missed everyone. The first day I was home I was all alone cause everyone was working or at school and I naively told my mom later that I was bored and now I have lists of things to do :) Oh the joys of family (I do love her!)
Before I came back east I finished a Bible study I was a part of. One of my bosses at camp and his wife and I were going through Storyline by Donald Miller. If you ever get the chance I HIGHLY recommend it. One of my good friends loves Donald Miller. I must say you will not be disappointed, convicted, but not disappointed.
You start off looking back at your life and all the positive and negative life turns that have shaped you. I would give a synopsis of the study and what we did but I think you should do it yourself and learn. But I took some notes on the end I can share :)
Every life is made up of stories. Many many stories. They are meant to be lived out with passion! Ever have a project that you are working on where you are just so excited to do it and see the finished result. When you finally finish you hold it up and just are so happy that you finished. I find it so much easier to do things if I want to. Well, of course that makes sense but what if you lived life like that? Like you just loved the story you were creating. That's what Donald Miller's goal is throughout the study. He wants you to realize how to live your stories with passion and heart in order to change live. (No pressure right?!?)
All great stories must come to an end though. I find that ending things is sometimes hard. Especially when it is a great story. Miller says that although stories must end we need to celebrate those endings. Like we celebrate graduations, new years, bachelor things as an end to singleness, and many others. But do we realize we need to celebrate the hard things to?? Like the end of a relationship, or a loved one dying. We need to celebrate the time we had with them and what we learned from certain hard situations. After celebrating comes the time to grieve and say goodbye to that story. After the grieving time is moving on. Being able to let go of that story and start planning the next one.
I am in the process of letting go of a story that needs to be let go of. It is hard but in order to start my next one with full passion and heart, I need to.
Christmas eve is kinda like my new years...a bit. My siblings and I started a tradition where we sleep under the Christmas tree. Now it has been just me the past few years but I have loved just sitting down here with my Bible and journal. Just reflecting on the year and talking to God. My next story with Axis begins really soon and I am super excited for it! But going along with the theme of my life, God has just continually just been teaching me to trust Him and learn to walk on water. That includes saying goodbye to past stories.
So as you have your own traditions for Christmas with family and friends, don't forget the reason for the season. :) Corny, yes, but also true. Begin your next story with gusto! And remember God is right there with you, along for the journey.
I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas as I sit and watch the snow fall (white Christmas!!!!) and a Happy new year! (that is if I don't get another post in before that)
Goodnight!

I'll be home for Christmas

I will be home tomorrow! Eeeeeek! I am getting really excited to see my family. It's been a rough month or so and I am really exited to be home and spend time with them. I woke up to a text from my dad yesterday morning saying "two more days! two more days!" So I think they are excited to see me :)
I can't wait to see all the Christmas decorations and the lights.
One of the best traditions that my family does is one night we all pile into our car with pj's on with hot chocolate and candy canes turn on the Christmas music and drive around and look at the decorations and lights that people put up outside. We like to judge and see which ones we like the best. My dad's side of the family always has a huge get together on Christmas Eve. It is such a blast to see everyone and hang out. We have a gift exchange that is called white elephant where you find stuff around the house and wrap it up. So we have had the most random gifts. We had a loaf of bread, fish eggs and a pig cookie jar that made noises going around for a few years! We usually have the Christmas eve part at our house and my uncles LOVE to leave their white elephant gifts hidden around our house. This year my uncle is having it at his house so revenge is ours!!! haha It will be a good time.
When my best friend from home found out when I was coming home she messaged our group of friends with an itinerary of everything we could do and a calendar of when we could do them. Gotta love her. :)
But in the midst of ending my job at camp today, packing up, flying home, and getting gifts for people it's a good time to sit back and remember who to spend time with around Christmas. I miss my friends but I cannot wait to spend time with my family making cookies and watching a Charlie Brown Christmas or listening to my dad sing "There's always Tomorrow" from Rudolph in a high falsetto and counting down the days and hours until Christmas. So friends, in your travels home, be safe and have a blessed time with the people you love most :)

Who do you turn to?

There has been so much going on lately. Between work, trying to see friends, babysitting and getting ready for my new job in January I find it hard to take a chance and just relax and have a moment of peace. I have tried to take my time and do my devotions every morning and spend time in the Word every day. Something I have been learning lately is that God wants us to come to Him with everything. The hurts and the heartaches. The joys and the victories too. Everything.
In church this Sunday the topic came up again. We talked about how Christ became flesh to dwell with us. He came down as a baby. He could have been sent at age 30 to start his ministry in a bolt of lightning or some big dramatic way. But to think about that who would want to approach a Messiah like that? I would be intimidated. By coming as a baby, he was humble and vulnerable. He went through puberty. He lived with a family and dealt with temptation. He was human like us.
Our pastor wrote something down that I really liked too. He said, "God coming to His creation as a created person in undeniable proof that God will do anything to have a relationship with us." Isn't that so cool! Yes, I have friends and family who are there for me and to listen. Heartaches hurt and I have most likely talked their ears off lately but God will never ever turn from us when we are hurting. Cause He wants us to go to Him no matter what. He wants to rejoice in our victories with us. (for me that is doing a happy dance) and cry and hold us when we are broken.
So think...who is that one person who is always there for you to be vulnerable and bear your heart to? Why? What makes them approachable?
Just think, God is just like that...even more. So trust Him with your feelings because He is always there to listen.

I am thankful for...technology??

Never really thought I would ever say that. See I am not really a technology person. I have an old flip phone (to save money) but I really do like it. It's cool to flip it open when someone calls! And I am getting off topic.
I have never been a tech savy person...unless you ask my mom because she is pretty bad. But I started hating texting in college and although it does come in handy and I see the point of it I would so much rather talk in person or on the phone with someone. Plus I have seen through experience that people hide behind texting and it is easy to do too. I must admit I have done it in the past. But I have gotten to the point where if I wouldn't say it in person I won't say it over text.
I still have difficulty with computers sometimes. I am scared one day they will take over the world in some jobs where I would much rather have a person to talk to. But this post is about why I am thankful about technology rather than bashing it.
I see the need for technology. But I also feel like the culture has become to rely on it too much and if something like a revolution (like the tv show where they lose all electricity) happened I am not sure if people would know how to have conversations face to face. But on this Thanksgiving a few days ago I got a chance to really appreciate the technology we have.
See I just moved from NJ to Colorado and this was the first Thanksgiving I have been away from home. It was different and I loved it. I had dinner at my best friends house with her family and then we went for a hike in Red Rock park. (gotta love Colorado!)
My town has a HUGE rival football game on Thanksgiving day that has been part of the tradition for hundreds of years. One year it was on ESPN. It's kinda a big deal. Like huge deal. The whole town goes. That takes up most of the morning. Then I have dinner with my mom's side of the family then we go to my uncle's house on my dad's side where there is craziness!!!! My dad is one of seven boys and usually five of them make it. This year it was six and all my cousins were there. My brother calls me and I hear about 20 people talking at once and he tells me to get on skype. (such a great invention)
So in the long run I got a chance to skype my family on Thanksgiving. I was funny to see some of my aunts and uncles pass by the computer and look over and see me and be sort of startled. Everyone was yelling my name and I got to see my parents too. It was so great to see everyone!! My grandma was not sure if she liked it or not which was pretty entertaining.
So yes, as much as I would rather be in person with people I do understand the need for technology and so grateful for it this Thanksgiving. Now I can't wait to get home and see my whole family for Christmas. Who knows maybe in a few years I can appear in like a hologram form!

"...to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

I know I have already done a post on friends a while back but I needed to update and the past few days I have just really been blessed by my friends. The other day I had one of those days where God just wanted to teach me some things. So that night I had a chance to just journal and talk to Him and I felt very convicted. At that same time one of my best friends and roommates from FLI texted me and asked me what's up so I told her I was learning some stuff. And although it was late she called me just to pray with me. It was so great to hear her voice (cause she lives in California) and great to catch up on life. We shared our highs and lows and just talked.
Just before that I was thinking how different my life would have been if I never went to FLI. How my friendship would be with my friends from college and how different I would be. But then I never would have met my friends I have now. Ones who will call in the middle of the night to pray with me. I never would have learned how to be a better friend to be that phone call they place when they need to talk.
Today I just found out my grandpa died last night. I am so glad he is not in pain anymore but He fell away from Christ when my uncle got muscular dystrophy as a young boy. Last time I saw him I gave him a hug and kiss and told him I was praying for him. He had cancer and lost all use of his left arm. It's really hard being this far away and I am not sure if I will be going home or not yet. My best friend out here, when I texted her to say I may not be able to hang out this week, called and told me she is coming up and bringing any comfort food. It made me feel so great to have a friend who would drop everything to come up and see me during this. 
Reminds me of the verse my good friend wrote in a letter for me: 
John 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."
Ok I guess that's about it. 

makin my daddy proud

I am now a full time working woman. That sounds really weird to say. I am working at the camp I worked at this summer. A position opened up so I am now maintenance assistant. Its hard work but I have learned a lot so far. I have learned to drive stick (with steering on the right side), to split wood, tricks to painting, and a bunch of other stuff with working with tools and fixing things around camp. I am also learning that there is always something to do and always something to fix. It can be quite tiring every day. And although it's not what I want to do and it can be hard at times, I am learning a lot and I will be able to say one day, "I worked as a maintenance assistant at a camp. I didn't like it but I stuck with it and learned a lot." So I am reminding myself of that.
Other things that make it hard is the fact I am just on camp all the time. I am far from my friends and don't get to see them much. And me as an extrovert working a lot by myself is tough. I was talking to my dad on the phone last week and he was telling me a story about when I was little.
 "You used to be so shy and get anxious whenever you were without us. And now you are out in Colorado shooting guns and on your own. " It made me smile when he started to laugh to himself and I could just feel how proud he is of me...coming out here and working hard even though it's not what I want to do. But knowing my dad is proud of me makes it a bit easier.
Another reason my dad is great...I was skyping my family today (which was so great to see them!) and my mom and sister are talking to me and my dad is in the background dancing and making weird faces at me. No matter the situation he can always make me laugh and I hope I can continue to work hard and make him proud of me.

Why do you believe?

The other night I had a conversation with a friend about faith. He was telling me he was starting to doubt and he wasn't sure if God was there for him. He then followed that with, "Why do you believe?" 
Here is how I responded: 

because He has shown me himself in so many ways that make no sense, like through my first relationship he carried me the whole way through.
coming out here to FLI...was just amazing. He showed me my strengths and where He wants me and what passions He has given me.
In the little things with the friends and family he has blessed me with.
In just looking back to where my storms were and seeing that He was there the entire time even when I felt nothing

there are times I wonder where He is and why I am going through something, like now, but even in this time of doubt I have to remember all the times He brought me through before and know He is going to do it again

That is why I believe

After responding...I just felt this wash of peace and happiness surround me. I have no idea where I am going next. There are times I feel so incredibly alone but it is in those moments when I am not. He has been there through it all and He will continue to do that. And He will do that because, it's so simple, He loves me. After my reason why I believe, my friend asked, "then why doubt?" Excellent question! I have no idea why I doubt...because I am human and I give into my insecurities of not being able to do it on my own. But the truth is I don't have to. My all time favorite artist is Britt Nicole. Her songs just speak so much truth into my life and I can relate to pretty much all of them in some way. I sent these lyrics to a friend the other day. It's from the song 'Straight for your heart.' 

He has made some big promises for us and He will never let us down.

You don’t have to walk this road alone
I’ll hold you, hold you
You don’t have to live this life alone
I know you, know you

Hidden in the tunnel
I’ll be there
Even when you can’t fly
I’ll be there

Westward bound...

So I meant to post this a while ago! It has been a crazy month out here...so this is really delayed BUT here ya go...a video of my trip out west. I will try and be more proactive about posting from here on out.

adventures of a westbound traveler: day 3

I wanted to keep up on this every day but I did not have any internet or time. So to update :) I am currently in Springfield, Missouri waiting for my friend Dot to get out of class to come get me! I am really excited to be here so far. First day I spent with my great Aunt and Uncle and it was really good to see them. Then I traveled to my cousin's house in TN and little did I know that she is leaving for Ghana to student teach abroad on Friday! So lucky me I got to see her before she left and it was nice to catch up with her. And tomorrow is my last day on the road!!! Let me tell you, I am more than happy to finally get out of my car and unpack and relax.
I am equally excited to see my friends in CO! My birthday is on Saturday and one of my best friends is planning this thing for me and who ever else we know in CO. I was a little bummed I wouldn't be able to have much for my birthday but hanging out with a bunch of friends I haven't seen in a while I am super pumped!! There is a lot of excitement in this post. I think it is part I have been driving for 3 days straight and haven't had a chance to get my energy out at all. And all the plans and things coming up...and I am rambling. But I guess I should go and continue relaxing before I hit the road again tomorrow morning. Next time you hear from me I will be in the lovely state of COLORADO!

I'm gunna drive

Colorado bound in the a.m. Both nervous and excited for this new adventure! It'll be good ya know?! Getting a change in scenery and getting out on my own....big girl style! Who knew the world would be this scary. I mean I feel like I didn't learn all this in college. I went to my bank yesterday to figure out how to close out my account (because TD Bank, America's most convenient bank, is not out west) Which is kinda a bummer, cause I do like them. Anyways....he was using big words and I got a bit overwhelmed. It is all solved now...in case you were worried.
I texted one of my best friend's today asking if this is what walking by faith feels like. Scary. And she said yes. I am leaving pretty much all I know and heading out to colorado. (don't worry I know people) with no job yet just my stuff, my car, myself and God. I plan on having some good talks with Him along this drive.
So my car is all packed (for the most part) and my tank is full, iPod is just about ready. I got 3 books on tape that will last me the whole trip if I wanted. So I have the Da Vinci Code which kinda freaks me out a little bit. That albino monk whipping himself...*shudders*. But I plan on listening to that through Kansas. Which will be the longest stretch for me. My route will be as follows:

So yea long trip. Each little blue dot is where I am staying each night. My great aunt and uncle the first night. Then a cousin. Then one of my best friends/ roommate from FLI then colorado! So yea long trip ahead of me and I should go to bed soon. Hopefully I can update while I travel but who knows...so until then time to hit the dusty trail! (and my bed)

p.s. friends if you are reading this...I may be calling you along this road trip...since I will have little else to do :) So get ready!

Gym Class

Everyone remembers, either from experience or the stereotypical media portrayals, of picking teams for gym class. I always feel bad for the person who gets picked last. They are always a little athletically challenged and you feel it too. It's a rejection. Seeing all your friends and everyone else get picked before you can make you feel worthless. In my devotion this morning it talked about rejection. 

Rejection is painful. In any situation: rejection from a friend group, sports team, job that you want, someone you like, or sometimes (unfortunately) your own family. Rejection usually then brings every insecurity you have every had in the back of your mind to the front. And at time I know I fall victim to those thoughts and they can be extremely painful.

This all seems very depressing, doesn't it? As corny as this kinda is...there is good news! In 1 Samuel 12:22 it says "The Lord will not abandon His people, because of His great name and because He has determined to make you His own people." 

That is an amazing promise! But think about it...we are human. God created us to be desired and loved but there are times we are rejected and feel left out and worthless. But God will never reject us because He chose us. He wanted us. He didn't feel sorry for us or feel obligated to pick us like the last person in gym class. He chose us because He delights in us. We want to not be rejected and we search everywhere for that. We lower our standards in some instances to look for that one person who will not reject us. 

He is right here! God will not abandon or reject us....ever!! He wants us with Him one day partying up in heaven. And He sees us for who we are. He sees our inner thoughts and dreams that we fear if we let anyone see that side of us they will....reject us. But He sees that and still wants us! How unbelievably amazing is that! Come on now just try and wrap your mind around it?? The King of all kings, Lord of all lords, creator of the entire universe (and that was no small feat) desires us!!

Yeah...seems crazy right? But it is totally true.

Consider your mind....blown!

I'm moving ahead...

I sometimes wish I could just get a manual. Titled "Instructions to your life"or something along those lines. To read and be somewhat prepared for what is going to happen. But there is not, but there is that cliche phrase "No one said life was going to be easy." People always say that when things are really rough. Those are great words of wisdom...especially when you are down on yourself.
Yeah...not really.
This might be more of a venting post. Tonight I was on my computer and came across some old memories from about a year and a half ago. Memories that made my heart start to ache. You know the feeling....and knowing I most likely would not be able to sleep for a while I took out my journal and started to write and then took out some old pics and was just venting. I think it would have been humorous if someone would have walked in on me. I was just sitting on the ground kind of venting at these pictures and talking to God and letting out my frustrations (at a low level because my whole family was/and still is sleeping) Side note: usually to vent I blast my music real loud or go run but as it is after midnight neither seem appropriate. So instead I journal and talk to pictures haha which does not seem sane.
Anyways (after my vent sesh)....I was reminded of God's arms. And how much He wants to be that strength when we have none. He wants to heal our broken hearts and make them whole again. He wants to hold us tight while we cry and give us the peace to move on. In my devo's the other day it said this, "the path to peace is paved with knee-prints. Bend your knee to the trustworthy authority of Christ." Peace comes with trust in His power. As much as my heart still aches right now, I am starting to feel that peace. I also know it will take time and daily surrender. So I guess I will end with one of my favorite songs:

Moving Forward by Israel Houghton

"I'm not going back, I'm moving ahead
Here to declare to You my past is over
in You all things are made new, surrendered my life to Christ
I'm moving, moving forward"
[emphasis added]

See that face in the mirror??

I am back on the east coast! And it is good to be back. Although, I am not a fan of the humidity or the mosquitoes. Got off the plane and it was hard to breathe with all the oxygen, so that was quite strange as well. I am getting back in the swing of things. Finally unpacked and then cleaned my room which felt pretty good. Got a chance to hang with my brothers and sister this week and got a good tan (well I mean sunburn...) at the the beach today.
It's been hard being back home. For many reasons...I love seeing my family though. Some of the reasons wouldn't make sense or are too hard to write out. So I will try to be simple, as much as I can be.  I learned a lot about myself when I attended FLI last spring. I learned of my strengths and my love languages. I also learned where I fall short. In our marriage and family class we took a self quiz on conflict styles. I already knew before I had to take the quiz that I hated conflict. My highest score was avoidance. I have tried, over the past year, to not so much avoid conflict but deal with it in a healthy way. I had chances to do that over the past year with some of my roommates in college and in the beginning I was terrified. You can even ask them. I was trembling and would start crying (and I am NOT a cryer) It still makes me wonder why I would be so scared because they are some of my best friends and they love me. So why the fear?? Usually it would be because I would think the worst outcome would come of it. And you can also ask my friends or family...I am quite a positive person.
I guess this all seems kind of random and rambly (that happens when it gets past 1 am) I have gotten better at not avoiding conflict with some of my friends but in turn I am realizing I have put it more on my relationship with God. I guess I find it easier to run from Him because He is not in my face. I run from God the same way I run from conflict with my friends...fear and believing in the worst outcome. I guess I can go back to my initial question then...So why the fear?? And why God when He knows me way better than any of my friends or family. And He loves me none the less and accepts me as is...because He created me.
It is scary how good I can be at avoiding. I dive into a project (the other day I mowed the lawn because idle hands = idle mind), loose myself in the world of a book, or just usually keep myself busy and make excuses. Or, in this case, ramble on a blog instead of talking to Him. The fear itself is stemming from finding a job and starting out on this new adventure of my life. It is exciting but I am completely terrified at the same time. So what struck all this came from a quote I found on pinterest the other day...(and yes I use that to waste some time too...unfortunately)

"That face you see in the mirror? SHE IS PRECIOUS to the King of Kings, so don't you dare underestimate the plans that He has for her, because they are great."

Convicting....So I guess I will leave it at that and either try to sleep or stop avoiding the inevitable. Goodnight!

"...and remember you will always have family here."

End of camp. It was sad to leave. A lot harder than I honestly thought it would be. The last night we had together we spent around a fire pit making s'mores and talking about what God had taught us this summer and what our favorite and funniest moments were.
 It was a great last week at camp and we cleaned up camp on Friday and said goodbye to co-workers and friends. We handed in our radios and sets of keys and said goodbye to our bosses. It was hard. They said we have been the best staff they have had and they wanted us all back next year. :) I even saw some tears in my bosses eyes. One told me that I would always have a family up at camp and should come back. :) We had a blessed summer and an amazing staff!
Of those left we hung out for the night and decided to pull and all-nighter in the chapel with spare mattresses, blankets and pillows. One of the girls had to drive a few people to the airport at 3 am so we just watched movies and reminisced of the summer. When the airport caravan left at 3 am one of the guys and myself stayed up just talking and hanging out. When the driver came we got into some really good conversations and ended up staying up til around 8 am. It was really fun!

Needless to say I was quite tired the next day and we packed up and said our last goodbyes and headed out. I am now at my friends house in the springs with an interview tomorrow morning then hopefully headed home for a bit to see my family.
It has been a great, amazing, and fantastic summer! I learned a lot and I am going to miss it. But hopefully I will be moving out here and will visit :) Now to sleep and find a pair of shoes for my interview tomorrow.

I know I'm not strong enough

Camp is drawing to a close. Sadly, we only have one week left. The camp arrived yesterday and will stay til Friday then we will clean camp one last time and head out. I cannot believe it is already over. This summer flew by! This morning while I was doing my devotions by the pool, I was looking back at the summer and was thinking of all I learned.

I learned how to:
successfully unclog really backed up toilets
clean very very well
add and monitor pool chemicals
canter on a horse and not fall off
not freak out on the high ropes course

And those are just some of the basic things I guess. This morning I was journaling and was thinking about how lately I have been so drained. I have realized I have been trying to work off my own strength...not God's. And that is extremely draining.  In Isaiah 40:31 says that "Those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength." The Hebrew word for 'trust' in this verse means to bind together. By holding close to God's truth we can depend on Him to be that strength to get through the tough times. And then it hit me....
This summer, bit by bit, I have been learning to be able to depend on others. While working, some of the thing I have had to do are hard and I can't do it all by myself...even if I want to. Everyday I have to take off and put back on the tarp at the pool and I cannot do it alone I always need some help. There are some projects that involve heavy lifting and I have a bad back, so I have learned that it is ok to step back and let someone else who is stronger (with bigger muscles) to help me.
It has been a struggle at times and very humbling. But once I realized all of that it hit me...I need to start transferring that on my relationship with God. I know the guys here can help with the heavy lifting but He can SO much more. Why do we struggle with that so much?? But it was a cool revelation, so to speak. He really teaches us things in the most peculiar ways.
I know I'm not strong enough but I do know that He is.

Will all the gentle men please stand up

I try to call my family frequently while I have been out here. It is hard sometimes because work gets crazy and I get exhausted and once we end at around 6 pm I am about to pass out and go to bed but of course I want to hang out with my friends at camp and I am usually up til 10 or 11 hanging out doing crazy stuff. But every time I call my great aunt and uncle the conversation usually turns to how I am single and how she is praying for me to find "a nice young man." I love her so much and I smile when ever she starts to say it.
But it has really been my pleasure to meet some amazing guys and have some of them as my close friends. When I was at FLI there were 11 guys there and 33 girls. And those 11 guys there were so incredible. Many of the girls have agreed that these guys "upped" the standards for all the girls. I really think, and no offense, but I met some amazing guys out here in Colorado. I am not saying that I have not met amazing guys back home, because I have. But ever since FLI I guess I have noticed it more. I have noticed some great qualities in some of the guys and for example some of the guys here at camp!
My one boss is 67 years old and is so respectful to us girl staff. I work hard and I have always been someone who can get really stubborn and work at something until I hurt myself or it is done but this summer I have learned a lot about how it is ok to say that I can not do something and ask for help. And the guys out here...help.
Some of the others things I have noticed is just encouragement and nice words that really stick out. One of the guys here is really good at handing out compliments. I am not used to it sometimes but it is nice to hear. :) A few weeks ago the nurse here was so overwhelmed and a bunch of the guys just took over and helped her out when they got done with their job for the day. They set up camp outside her office and helped kids sign in and just did what they could.
I have had some of my guy friends just check in every once in a while and it is really refreshing. When culture portrays guys as players and jerks and seeing some really not nice guys hurt some of my friends it is so nice to see these guys live out their lives for Christ and just respect the girls here at camp. And guys if you read this, we may act like we want to do somethings our selves and sometimes we can, but it is nice to be complimented and helped every once in a while.
So yes will all the gentlemen, please stand up!

circle of friends

Friends are great, they really are. And I have to say I have some of the most amazing friends in the world. My one friend sends a text out every Tuesday asking how he can pray for me this week. So many of my other friends have been there when I am just so broken down and all I need is a person to listen or a prayer. It stinks that all of my friends are so far away now. One of my good friends lives in the springs and one in denver which is so awesome to see them when I get a chance.
I texted a few of my friends the other night saying that I missed them. One of my oldest (and dearest) friends texted me back and said that her and my other friends have a surprise when I get home after the summer. :) I am super excited to see them and of course I love surprises!
I got a chance to spend the past weekend in the springs for a reunion for FLI. It was so great to see some of my old classmates and meet other alumni. The first day was just so surreal and my heart and head were just all in a boggle. It was so strange to be back at the institute without all of my friends but there with some of the same professors and staff. There was so much love there too! It was great to be embraced in such a great community while out there for 4 months and then a reminder. We ended the weekend in my friends kitchen talking. Alums representing 2008 -2011and it was so great to sit there and have such good deep conversations...it was kinda like I had never even left. Different people but same effect. The weekend reminded me of great community and friendships like God intended. My friend Jarid came out from California and I hadn't seen him in over a year and it was like we just picked up. Same with some other classmates that came and same with the staff. The experience I had out there was so amazing and I love having the constant reminders of how God is blessing me with these friendships.
And to top it all off I got back to camp and got a care package from some of my friends from home. Full of tons of fun random nifty things and it was so great :) I love all my friends and although some are far away they are still in my heart always. So shout out to all of them and I hope to see many of them when I go home soon :)

And I guess I could end with some fun/corny friendship lyrics or quote then too huh??

I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.

...and the job hunting continues

5 weeks....that is how long is left of camp. (someone reminded me of that today.) It seems to be going so incredibly fast. I am having so much fun! And working hard of course. What hit me the most is that unlike a majority of the other summer staff, who return to college in the fall, I have less of an idea of what my next step is.
I get very few days off, and with the ones I do have I try and have some fun, but it has been hard to look for jobs. I want to move to the springs and I have been looking for jobs around as well. Connections are very nice to have! My bosses at camp have been very helpful in trying to think of places I would like to work and I have friends in the springs who are looking out for jobs for me as well. It is still scary thing...I have to get a big girl job now. You know live on my own, start paying off loans and other responsible stuff.
So tonight I finished up an application to a job out here in the springs and as stressful as they are I am pretty excited to mail this one in. It is for a job called Axis. It is a non-profit organization that travel across the country talking to high schoolers about God and worldview. It sounds amazing!! And I have been praying a lot about it too. It is something I really want to do. Travel and I love speaking. As much as I still get nervous talking in front of bit groups I have gotten a ton better. I now get on a roll after a few minutes. :)
I feel like it would be a great learning experience for me if it is the job for me. But right now I will be finishing my application and praying that God will show me the right path. And continue to keep looking for more (with the help of my good friend Beans in the springs) Also my bosses at camp are already asking me what I have planned for next summer...I don't even know what I have planned a month from now!! ( They keep saying God is telling them that I need to be here at camp next summer. Means they like me ;] )
But I do know for sure I am ready for God to take the wheel except I kinda want Him to draw a map for me to see where we are driving off too...except it does not always work like that. Oh well...along for the drive.

Growing up is hard to do

I guess this is more of a sad post. Well not sad...more complaining I guess. I do not like being sick. That is the first point I guess. It is no fun being sick:
1) while working
2) during the summer! how not cool is that
3) working at a pool (swimming with a stuffed nose...yea no) and
4) away from home....

I was journaling last night and it hit me that I am a bit home sick. I miss my family a lot. (skyping them on the 4th of July may have triggered that) I miss my brothers and sister, my hyper dog, snuggling with my cat, sitting and talking with my mom, and watching my dad dance around the house. It's weird knowing I am growing up and will not be home much anymore. Especially because I am looking to move out here to Colorado.
Summer has always been fun at my house. We would spend the days at summer camps or sports camps. Then at night at our pool at home. My dad would come home from work and change right into his swim suit and come out on the deck (where we usually hang out) and he ask how the pool was and usually jump right in. Then there are the burgers and  amazing jersey corn and cookouts during the summer. We used to get a beach house for a few weeks down at the shore and our whole family would come down and we would be beach bums (which I am a pro at) go crabbing, cookouts, boardwalk, and early morning sunrises on the beach to late night sun sets.
I guess what I am trying to say is I miss home during the summer. This is my first summer completely away from home. Last summer I worked at school but I still went home at least once a week. Growing up is hard, and I realized I just rambled a lot and it makes me miss home even more. So I think I will go talk to them soon!

God is bigger than the boogie man

Because of the fire (which is now at 90% contained!!!) we had a few days off last week. So what did we decide to do...explore!! We have been at camp everyday all day so we decided to get off site and hang out a few different places. The first day we set off to Breckenridge. We had a great day just walking around and enjoying the area. We found a bunch of cool shops and we got lunch at a great place called Eric's. Put our feet in a nearby creek and got a chance to just relax. There were a bunch of little kids swimming in the creek. It was not the warmest water, but hey it looked like fun! We followed them walking across on the rocks to the other side.
I have been to Brek last year on my spring break and I knew of a great little hat shop that my friends and I spent so much time in! So we went there and spent time just putting on hats  and taking fun pics. It was a great day to get off camp.

The next day we spent relaxing and hanging out at camp. I spent the day at the pool reading, catching some rays and some zz's. It was really nice to just relax at camp and not do anything. Next day we headed down to Pueblo to a beach...well what Coloradans call a beach. Aka a lake with a sandy shore. A bunch of us hung out there and swam around and a few of the guys went to explore. We later headed to another lake and had a blast throwing the sand/mud consistency that was on the bottom of the lake at one another. Needless to say we came back pretty tired.
On the way back we drove on 24 which is now opened because the fire has been contained. We could see the damage of the fire and how it spread all the way down to the highway. It was devestating. I am a bit nervous to go into the springs and see what the damage is down there as well. Still praying for the fire fighters and people who have lost their homes in the fire. It's been a sad realization...sometimes some things are just out of our control. But as we sang tonight on our way to sonic after work..."God is bigger than the boogie man, He's bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on TV. OOOH God is bigger than the boogie man and He's watching out for you and me." (That is from veggie tales if you do not know the reference.) This week has been full of work projects and cleaning up the camp. Working hard! I am excited for campers to come on Monday. But until then...Goodnight! And remember...God is bigger.

He's got the whole world in His hands

Things have been crazy at camp the past few days...more like the past week. If you do not know Colorado has been on fire. There has been an arsonist going around starting forest fires. The one the affected us the most was the Waldo Canyon Fire. It only got within 10 miles of camp but last week we got a wind shift and smelt the smoke. Later that night there were ashes falling around camp. We got close to evacuating but we ended up not having to.
We had a camp here last week and we got them evacuated before things go too close and we decided not to have next weeks camp up here to not risk having to evacuate 300 kids from Michigan. God had his hand over this camp. The other day the girls got together to pray for the firefighters and people who were affected more than us.
Some of the people affected were many of my friends in Colorado Springs. One of my close friends her house was really close to the fire and many of my friends were forced to evacuate. Being at camp and seeing pictures and hearing about all my friends having to leave was so scary.

I spent four months in Colorado Springs last spring and that place is my home. One of my roommates blogged about it a lil and I feel the same when she wrote: "Everyone has that perfect place. That place where nothing goes wrong, that place where things just work. Colorado Springs is my home away from home. I only lived there for four months, but the bonds I forged there and the friends I made are countless and timeless. Colorado Springs will be a part of me forever."  That's where my heart is. And my heart was breaking for what my friends were going through.
Prayer is a powerful thing and that's what me and a lot of my friends spent the past few days doing. Praying for the people who lost their homes, their belongings, for the people working hard to help and for the people opening their homes and giving what they could to the people without anything. There are still fires all over the state but the one close to us has gotten better. We are at 30% containment and my friends are getting let back into their homes. I thank God for wrapping His arms around us and keeping the fire away from our camp.
Please continue to pray for those who lost their homes and for those still fighting the fires all over the state. Feel free to help too, by getting a cool t-shirt http://www.wildfiretees.com/ where 100% of the profits go to Colorado wildfire victims.
I am so glad we are safe but the fight is far from over and so much damage has been done. Prayer goes a long way. God's hands are bigger than ours.

I can be western

Young Life just left this morning from camp. it was bittersweet to see all the staff leave who we have been working with the past month or so. We had a combined worship night last night and got a chance to toast (with sparkling apple cider of course) all the joys and ways we saw God's hand in the past month of camp.
This past friday was our last hoedown with the kids. We all get a chance to dress up in western gear and have some good bbq. A few weeks ago I taught a bunch of the leaders the cotton eyed joe and I have learned a few line dances myself. This week a few of the campers requested the song Hoedown Throwdown by Miley Cyrus from the Hannah Montana movie. And this song comes with some dance moves...which I happen to know. So one of the wranglers and myself started to do the dance to the side and then they told us to go on the basketball court in front of all the kids. So that is what we did. I felt a bit like Miley in the movie and it was really fun. They played it again later and I got the chance to teach a bunch of the campers the dance. So successful night! And it proves I have some southern girl still in me from when I lived in South Carolina the first 5 years of my life :)

Life working at a summer camp

Colorado.
What better place to be at a summer camp?!? My bedroom window has an amazing view of pikes peak and there is no humidity! I see all the posts on facebook of friends back east complaining about the insane heat and I feel slightly bad. I am closer to the sun too which makes me actually have to put on suncreen. I have never really worn sunscreen before because I don't ever really burn I just tan. (I thank my Italian heritage for the darker skin tone) But closer to the sun up here...it does not really matter. I already have a really good tan on my shoulders and my nose. I feel like the stereotypical lifeguard when I put a huge amount of white sunscreen on my nose to start the day.
Days off have been the best too! The other day I spent the morning on top of Soldier's Mountain. Hiked to the top and got a chance to tan :) and just relax. Everyone else was still working so I had some great God time on top of the mountain. Called a few people and got to sing and no one could hear me :) I got reprimanded by my mom, grandmother, and great aunt by going by myself but it was really nice to get away. Here are some pics I took at the top.

Later that day a bunch of the staff went into Manitou Springs, which is a little town about 20 min away, and got a chance to walk around and explore all the little shops and meet some new friends and take some fun pictures! We ended the night at the penny arcade and had a blast!! I do not have to save quarters anymore for laundry at college (because I graduated a month ago) so all the coins I had went into the various games (mostly skee-ball)
And now back to work. Young Life has been here the past month and this week is there last week here at camp. The campers have been great! It is fun to have some people around camp. They are quite entertaining and I have gotten a chance to talk to a bunch of them. Tonight we have the ho down for dinner and everyone gets to dress up all western and do some two steppin' and two weeks ago I got to teach everyone how to do the cotton eye joe. And I am from New Jersey! Well off to lunch soon then to the pool to continue on my tan :)