I am back on the east coast! And it is good to be back. Although, I am not a fan of the humidity or the mosquitoes. Got off the plane and it was hard to breathe with all the oxygen, so that was quite strange as well. I am getting back in the swing of things. Finally unpacked and then cleaned my room which felt pretty good. Got a chance to hang with my brothers and sister this week and got a good tan (well I mean sunburn...) at the the beach today.
It's been hard being back home. For many reasons...I love seeing my family though. Some of the reasons wouldn't make sense or are too hard to write out. So I will try to be simple, as much as I can be. I learned a lot about myself when I attended FLI last spring. I learned of my strengths and my love languages. I also learned where I fall short. In our marriage and family class we took a self quiz on conflict styles. I already knew before I had to take the quiz that I hated conflict. My highest score was avoidance. I have tried, over the past year, to not so much avoid conflict but deal with it in a healthy way. I had chances to do that over the past year with some of my roommates in college and in the beginning I was terrified. You can even ask them. I was trembling and would start crying (and I am NOT a cryer) It still makes me wonder why I would be so scared because they are some of my best friends and they love me. So why the fear?? Usually it would be because I would think the worst outcome would come of it. And you can also ask my friends or family...I am quite a positive person.
I guess this all seems kind of random and rambly (that happens when it gets past 1 am) I have gotten better at not avoiding conflict with some of my friends but in turn I am realizing I have put it more on my relationship with God. I guess I find it easier to run from Him because He is not in my face. I run from God the same way I run from conflict with my friends...fear and believing in the worst outcome. I guess I can go back to my initial question then...So why the fear?? And why God when He knows me way better than any of my friends or family. And He loves me none the less and accepts me as is...because He created me.
It is scary how good I can be at avoiding. I dive into a project (the other day I mowed the lawn because idle hands = idle mind), loose myself in the world of a book, or just usually keep myself busy and make excuses. Or, in this case, ramble on a blog instead of talking to Him. The fear itself is stemming from finding a job and starting out on this new adventure of my life. It is exciting but I am completely terrified at the same time. So what struck all this came from a quote I found on pinterest the other day...(and yes I use that to waste some time too...unfortunately)
"That face you see in the mirror? SHE IS PRECIOUS to the King of Kings, so don't you dare underestimate the plans that He has for her, because they are great."
Convicting....So I guess I will leave it at that and either try to sleep or stop avoiding the inevitable. Goodnight!
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