what I learned from: punching a door

[Note: no doors were harmed in the making of this post]

Now before you draw any crazy conclusions this is the first time I have ever punched anything! (besides a punching bag...which those are intended for punching) People release anger in different ways. For me, typically, I need to run. I love running sprints when I am angry because I get all my energy out. If I can't run I usually hit a field hockey ball at a wall for a while or I take my lacrosse stick and throw the ball at a pitch back. So, I am a pretty active person. Option 1: Currently, I cannot run. I injured both of my feet and it hurts to put pressure on them. (It totally stinks!) So, that is out of the question. Option 2: Sports. Well, considering I live in Colorado and there is snow on the ground limits things. I do not have a lacrosse stick with me and it is too dark to see anything much less hit a field hockey ball around...in the snow...in the middle of the woods.

Needless to say, tonight I was stuck. Unfortunately, I love watching movies and in movies characters are found destroying things in anger. Sometimes they punch walls out of rage, break things, throw things around, and various other acts of destruction.So in turn, my thought process went a little like this:

"I am so angry right now! I just want to throw something! Well, my phone is closest and already in my hand...no I can't, my phone its from work and if that breaks....
I could punch a wall. But...I don't really feel like fixing a hole in the wall with spackle or drywall. Punching a pillow won't help at all. Oh how about that door!"

That all happened in the matter of me standing up and walking downstairs. Our laundry room door was torn apart by my roommates dog this past summer. My thought was if she is going to replace it anyways another hole won't hurt. I wound up and hit the door with the side of my fist and then knelt on the ground and started crying to God.

Now, hours later I sit with a bruised hand and a brokenness I cannot quite explain. It is humbling being brought to your knees before your Creator. Sometimes when life makes it too hard to stand you have to kneel. It is scary not being in control. When you feel like everything around you is just falling apart. God calls us to surrender. To give up the things we hold onto so tight. He is saying, "Give it to me! I know it hurts and I know you are scared but I can make it better. Give it to Me and I will carry you through it. We can do it together. Just trust Me, trust that I can do this."

That is what I learned when I tried to punch a door. In the end, it did not help anything and I do not think I ever plan to try it again.