2014: in review

The only lights on in the house were the Christmas tree lights. They lit up the room with a soft red glow. I sat there on my pile of blankets mesmerized by the tree. That tree holds so many memories. Each ornament holds a story. Through broken pieces and new ones added every year it epitomizes our family.Christmas eve is my 'New Year's". It gives me a chance to reflect on the past year and take time during the busy holiday season to breathe. I opened my journal, worn to the touch after being dragged around for the past 8 months. As I put my pencil to the page I froze. I did not know where to start. I sat in the exact same spot last year and was convicted to give up dating for 2014. Looking at where I was a year ago and where I have come caused me to stop. I never imagined I would be where I am now.

2014 was one of the hardest years I have had. Many things began but with every beginning comes an ending. Those endings were painful and difficult. There have been some great new adventures! God has been stretching me a lot as well. Some of those lessons have been hard to learn. I am ready for new beginnings and new adventures but our past is what shapes us and helps us grow.

In 2014:

I ended my last semester with Axis. It was bittersweet and I miss traveling but I know God wanted me to move forward.

I got a full time job. I am working at a camp and gaining so much experience! It is a different season in my life but I want to use it.

I joined a church! I am finally in one place for more than a few days! I am able to get involved in a church and small group and I have met some amazing people who have shaped my life!

I have made awesome friendships! The friends I have made and had over this year have changed my life. I am so thankful for them. I even got a chance to catch up with old friends recently as well.

I have grown. looking back to where I was only a year ago. I know I have a long way to go but I know God is still using me.

As 2014 comes to a close I can say that I am happy that it is over. I am who I am now because of those experiences but I am ready for a fresh start and a new horizon to chase. So bring it on 2015 and bring me that horizon!

what I learned from: punching a door

[Note: no doors were harmed in the making of this post]

Now before you draw any crazy conclusions this is the first time I have ever punched anything! (besides a punching bag...which those are intended for punching) People release anger in different ways. For me, typically, I need to run. I love running sprints when I am angry because I get all my energy out. If I can't run I usually hit a field hockey ball at a wall for a while or I take my lacrosse stick and throw the ball at a pitch back. So, I am a pretty active person. Option 1: Currently, I cannot run. I injured both of my feet and it hurts to put pressure on them. (It totally stinks!) So, that is out of the question. Option 2: Sports. Well, considering I live in Colorado and there is snow on the ground limits things. I do not have a lacrosse stick with me and it is too dark to see anything much less hit a field hockey ball around...in the snow...in the middle of the woods.

Needless to say, tonight I was stuck. Unfortunately, I love watching movies and in movies characters are found destroying things in anger. Sometimes they punch walls out of rage, break things, throw things around, and various other acts of destruction.So in turn, my thought process went a little like this:

"I am so angry right now! I just want to throw something! Well, my phone is closest and already in my hand...no I can't, my phone its from work and if that breaks....
I could punch a wall. But...I don't really feel like fixing a hole in the wall with spackle or drywall. Punching a pillow won't help at all. Oh how about that door!"

That all happened in the matter of me standing up and walking downstairs. Our laundry room door was torn apart by my roommates dog this past summer. My thought was if she is going to replace it anyways another hole won't hurt. I wound up and hit the door with the side of my fist and then knelt on the ground and started crying to God.

Now, hours later I sit with a bruised hand and a brokenness I cannot quite explain. It is humbling being brought to your knees before your Creator. Sometimes when life makes it too hard to stand you have to kneel. It is scary not being in control. When you feel like everything around you is just falling apart. God calls us to surrender. To give up the things we hold onto so tight. He is saying, "Give it to me! I know it hurts and I know you are scared but I can make it better. Give it to Me and I will carry you through it. We can do it together. Just trust Me, trust that I can do this."

That is what I learned when I tried to punch a door. In the end, it did not help anything and I do not think I ever plan to try it again.

thankful for: family

We used to host Christmas Eve at our house. We had it there for about 15 years with my dad's side of the family. What makes Christmas so special to me are these times I am able to spend with family. And like every family we have our own traditions.

Every Christmas Eve we would cook in the morning then head to get ready. As we waited for our aunts, uncles and cousins to arrive we would be snacking on appetizers as my mom would warn us not to eat them all. Family would start to arrive and our house would be filled with laughter and noise. My dad is one of seven boys and most of the uncles are able to make it for this family gathering. All the cousins would run around and my grandma would find a place on the couch to talk to everyone and catch up on our lives. I would used to try and corral all the young cousins and attempt to put on a play of Joseph and Mary and baby Jesus. It never seemed to go as smoothly as I expected. I do think the adults were entertained by the effort. We would eat dinner in waves because there was not enough seating for all the cousins at once. Then we would be sent off to play in the basement and the adults would eat and chat. After dinner we would be treated to an incredible assortment of cookies that my mom usually made. As we gathered around the table to eat the adults, with kids in laps and piled on chairs, would start a game of White Elephant. Now our family is very good at this game. We take gifts that we have received or old things around the house and wrap them up ant attempt to get another family member stuck with them. We had a few items that went around from year to year. Such as: a loaf of bread, fish eggs, a pig cookie jar, cologne set, silk gold flower pillow and many more! It would always be exciting to see who would get what that year.

We would sit around the table and eventually the younger cousins would get pj's on and get put in cars. Goodbyes would be said and it was sort of a game on making sure you gave everyone a hug before they left. With the party being at my house a tradition started where everyone would try and not leave with their white elephant gifts. My brothers, sister, parents and I would try and keep tabs on each cousin, aunt and uncle as they left to make sure they had their gifts. We would do sweeps around the house as people left and check hiding places. Every year they left things. One time my uncle left and then drove back around and put the silk pillow in our mailbox and drove off again. My brother chased his car all the way out of the development. We would find random gifts hidden all over the house on Christmas day in beds, stockings, behind our tree and various places.

The past three years Christmas Eve is now at my Uncle Chris' house. The first year my dad decided to get back for the 15 years we would have gifts left behind. Our mission: was to not leave the house with anything. We arrived with about ten army men hidden in our pockets each and we were to leave them hidden around the house. We left all of our white elephant gifts as well. This has become a new tradition the past few years and my aunt and uncle still find army men around the house throughout the year. We have hid them in nativity scenes, Christmas trees, bathrooms, and pantries (just to name a few)

Christmas is a time full of family and traditions. I love my family and the fun quirky games we play at parties. I am missing the Christmas Eve party this year but I am blessed to have the opportunity to go home for a few days and spend the holidays with my family. That is what makes Christmas so magical for me...my family. I love houses filled with laughter, good food, fun games and love. It is what makes a family a family. No matter the time or distance when you gather it is a time of community and fun. My family has shaped me and I love the uniqueness of it all. My friends came to a family party once and after it was over they told me it made sense to who I am. I am proud of who I am, My cousin and I have joked that the ultimate test for our future husbands will be a party with my uncles. I will warn you if you ever come to a McGann party you may not be prepared for all that it entails. ;)