swimming pool sharks

I slid into the cool crisp water and already felt better. I spent most of my summers around some body of water and it relaxes me. I never understood the impact until I hadn't been in a pool for months. It is smooth and as I went underwater I felt my body completely relax. All the tension I had for the past week just seemed to be washed away in the water. I out on my cap and goggles and pushed off the wall and glided through the water.
As I swam closer to the deep end I realized it was a cloudy and I could not see the wall on the other side or the bottom of the pool. As soon as I realized that I had a picture of a great white shark charging me from the depths. I surfaced panicking and my relaxing atmosphere vanished. I stood on the edge of the shallow end trying to talk myself out of it. "It makes no sense, Kaitlin! Sharks are not in pools! We have been over this! You are 25 years old and still imagining sharks in pools?! It is not logical. Plus we are in the mountains of Colorado."

I do not know where this fear comes from. Ever since I was a little kid I would sometimes get images of sharks in the deep end of a pool and panic. My dad used to throw me into the deep end of my grandfather's pool growing up and as I would go under all I would see is a shark from the depths. I would break the surface of the pool in a frenzy to escape the murky depths and the shark that obviously would kill me. Swim team had me in the pool constantly and to get over it I would ignore the fear. Until, one time our coach told us to swim like a shark was chasing us and it was not hard to bring that image back to my mind. It makes no sense why I am scared of sharks being in a pool. I grew up going to the beach every summer and never had any problems in the ocean, where there could actually be sharks.

There are fears that I have that are more logical. Fears of being left, fears because of traumatic experiences, and fears of rejection.  There are some fears that do not make sense to me. These are those illogical fears that when you think about it there really is no reason to be afraid, yet I freeze up and cannot move. Like sharks being in a pool.

Psychologists say we are born with two fears. The fear of falling and fear of loud noises. I am sure you have seen an infant that has been startled by a loud noise and cries. All other fears are learned, taught or gleaned. I was taught to be scared of sharks by a video we watched in third grade on a rainy day. I had nightmares for weeks and was terrified that somehow the pools that I felt so safe in would somehow be the new home for a shark who would eat me.

Fears are very real but they have zero reasons to make decisions for us. I have learned fears from friendships and different relationships falling apart. I have fears that I will fail at my job, as a roommate, friend, girlfriend and possibly one day a wife or mother. The thing is that, I will fail. I will make mistakes, hurt people, be selfish and feel shame and guilt regarding it. The solution comes when I do not let those fears control me.

I stood in the shallow end of the pool shaking off this fear and clearing that image from my mind. Like most of my fears, I can picture that certain fearful experience coming true. I let the water move around me as I breathed deeply and began to pray. Fears can somehow have a way of stopping us in our tracks when we are trying to move forward. That particular morning I could have let that image and fear control me to step out of the pool and end an anticipated workout. Instead I closed my eyes and prayed to Someone who is greater than my fears. Someone who eased my racing heart and cleared my shark filled mind. I opened my eyes, pulled down my goggles, took a deep breath and dove.