right where You want me

Sometimes learning feels like trying to drink from a fire hydrant. There are books I read that take me months to get through because after ever few paragraphs, or even sentences, I need to stop and just process. I want to absorb it all but I feel like sometimes my brain can't hold it all in. I want to grow and learn so much! I want to study photography to be able to capture a moment. I want to learn about different languages and cultures. I want to study the science body language. I want to study scripture. I want to know more constellations. I want to do yoga on a paddle board without falling off. There are so many things to learn and experience and I don't know if I can fit it all in.

Most importantly, right now, I want to learn how to be a better friend. I want to learn how to trust God always and how to be still. I want to do my job well and serve people well. I want to be a good daughter and sister. I want to learn to be humble and have a servants heart. I want to learn to be honest and stand up for myself.

I love learning, but right now it feels like I am getting blasted with that fire hydrant and I am just trying to fill a cup with water. Working for Axis opened my eyes and heart to so many things. I think I am still working on taking what I learned and applying it to my life. Now I am somewhere different. The camp I work at is incredible! The passion that the staff has for QRC is amazing. You could not find a better staff and I get to work with these people! 

In all honesty, it is not necessarily where I want to be. God has other plans. For a bit I was mad at God for placing me somewhere far from friends and my community in the springs. For putting me behind a desk and having to make hard decisions. It was so far out of my comfort zone and what I am good at. Although it has been hard, I love this camp. I love hearing stories of how people have been shaped and touched by coming up here. In the summer I get to sit in on leader's meetings and hear about campers lives being changed. In the off season groups tell me of how God was so present through our staff and just being able to relax in the mountains. That is who I work for. This incredible God who has the ability to change hearts. 

The past few weeks the fire hydrant has been coming out a bit harder and my cup seems smaller. I am starting to understand why I am where I am. Sometimes it is overwhelming and I feel like breaking down, giving up and leaving just to escape it all. I put too much pressure on myself and my list of things to do starts to seem insurmountable. But, the other day my parents reminded me of a guy who felt similar. He was asked to save a group of people from slavery by a voice in a burning bush. Moses kept making excuses and saying, "Who am I?" My dad continued by writing... Do you know what the Lord answer to this man was? It was not anything about the man, it was not anything about his character, experience, upbringing or anything. The answer given was, “I will be with you.”

Esther was brought to her position for 'such a time as this' and that was hard for her. She had big things to do. Same with Moses. I was brought to QRC for 'such a time as this' and I am starting to see why. Although it seems big and overwhelming and I sometimes do not know how to do things well, God has got my back. And with Him on my side I can't fail.