my story

Sitting around the table we laugh, eat and pray. We are now starting to share stories. Not just any stories but our own stories. The story of our journey that brought us to Christ and how He has carried us since. I look at the women around the table and realize how different we all are but the thing that brought us together in the first place was Christ.
As we have gone through Galatians as a small group we have seen the impact vulnerability has in community. In result of that, each week a few people have started sharing their personal testimonies. I sit there and watch their faces and hear their journeys. We listen to their trials and our hearts ache and we see God's love and redemption through each praise. Now their stores are mine, their struggles are my struggles, and their joys are my joys. We are a community and we are able to lift each other up and love each other more.
Tonight my story will become theirs. I am nervous because I have never shared my testimony before in full. I have told stories and experiences but never the whole thing. I like to think of it more as a story than anything else. God is sharing a bit of His grander story through me. Through all the things I am able to do, all the lives I can be a part of and through all the lessons I have learned. We make such an impact to the people around us. Whether we are in an office or out in the world sharing the gospel, God has a way to make each of us make a huge impact.
Bob Goff writes, "I used to be afraid that if I was authentic I might take a hit, but now I know that being real means I will take a hit."
I have talked about identity and struggling with being myself. Recently I am figuring out more of who that person looks like. I am trying to learn to be comfortable in my own skin and not worry about how others perceive me. I am learning to be vulnerable and to be real. My whole life I have hidden behind walls for fear of getting hurt but God calls us to live a life of reckless abandon and to love with all we are. That means being vulnerable and that means getting hurt. In the end, I believe it will be worth it and I will learn something through the pain. Until then, I plan on loving hard and loving extravagantly even if it doesn't make sense. I plan on being real and being myself even if people do not get it.
Will you?

"To love at all is to be vulnerable." -C.S. Lewis

journeys and lessons

Ever have one of those times where God is teaching you something and it seems that that thing just seems to appear over and over again?? For instance, the pastor preaches about it on Sunday, you meet a friend and they mention something similar, and your Bible study is going through the same exact thing. Or you even meet someone for the first time and then you realize you see them everywhere! There is actually a name for it. It is called the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, this is when you learn something for the first time and then you end up hearing about it or seeing it quite often after that. If you are learning this fun fact for the first time I bet you will hear it in conversation more frequently now. :) 
I have been reading through the Bible from cover to cover. I started in May hoping to finish at the end of the summer but I overestimated some of the books. Leviticus...was very long. But I am working my way through the prophets now and I have really enjoyed it. My goal now is to read through the entire Bible before the new year! I have loved reading the story of Israel. I have seen how much I identify with the people of Israel. God calls them out of a place of slavery and promises to love and protect them. They do okay for a bit but then they get a little self reliant believe that they could do things on their own. They start to fumble and forget God and then they get captured again or get scared that they would be killed and they cry out to God and ask for forgiveness. The amazing thing about this story is that our God is an amazing and gracious God who loves us and forgives us. I see myself in this story because I do that too. I see myself as a lost Israelite not sure where to go and scared and God comes in and saves me. I get comfortable there and start thinking that I am okay to be on my own. So, I try it. I try to do my own thing and I try to make my own plan but I sink. I forget that I need God in my life and when I go back to Him, He is gracious enough to welcome me back into His arms and forgives me. I know I will fumble and fail but knowing that God is on the other side ready to love me makes me believe I can get through anything! 

relationships

Looking at the title of this post I can only imagine what you think this may be about. I may surprise you, I may not but I have been known to "not be typical."

Through my travels with Axis and just in life I have seen many relationships. Some good, some not so good. But through each one I have learned something. The other night I was eating dinner with my boss'. They have been married for 20 years now and they direct the camp I work at. It was all the directors working the other night at dinner and when we sat down to eat there were gifts on the table from the group. The guys each got a light key chain and us girls got a notebook. My boss started opening up his key chain and started shining it in his wife's face. She grabbed one to retaliate and it ended up being a dud and not working well. Then she got another and they were going back and forth of a bit. He ended up with both at some point and that ended the battle. I sat there and laughed as they giggled and bantered back and forth. It was fun to experience. They do not have any kids and they are constantly together. They are best friends and they love going on adventures. I keep learning a lot from their relationship.

God has taught me a lot about relationships in the past few years. Whether it's friendships, relationships with my family, with guys, or watching many married couples in different stages of life. I have reshaped a lot of my ideals I had about relationships and what they 'should' look like. I have taken steps back and been stretched this past year.

The last few weeks I have had multiple people ask me if I am married. One in particular made me laugh. His wording was, "Have you husbanded up yet, Kait?" I have never been asked that before and not so much in a short amount of time. No, I am not "husbanded" up yet. I am not seeing anyone. One big thing I have learned over this past year is that I am not ready yet. That sounds so dumb. I keep thinking to myself that you can never really be ready for anything. Marriage is huge. If I ever get married it will be one of the biggest decisions in my life. Does that terrify me? Yes! Completely! But right now I am content in God shaping me into a godly woman.

I have no idea what the future holds for me. I am happy where I am. I hate the idea that women need a man in their lives to be complete. As cheesy as this may sound, I have one and He isn't going anywhere. I still wrestle with the understanding of how much He loves me, but I am learning. All I know is that if God decides to bring someone into my life I hope I am worthy of that man. I hope I grow in patience, grace, honor, and so many other things. God is preparing my heart. For what?? I have no clue. But I am strapping in for this ride.