God moments

I have not updated in a while! Our first trip was so good! We had a ton of fun and we are now halfway through our second trip of the semester. We are now in Minnesota. Started out in Catasaqua, PA and had an amazing time! The senior girls asked me to do a dance with them for their talent show so I got to make a guest appearance :) then we had a few days off and we got to spend it with my family in New Jersey!!! I even got a chance to go down to EU and see some of my friends at homecoming. It was a very nice a relaxing few days. Then we hit up the big apple! Our host family up there was so great and Hayley and I got to be girlie and have facials and do our nails, hair and make-up with the daughters. Then we flew out to the Midwest and have spent the last few days with Taylor's family out here in Minnesota. We went to a concert and saw twentyone pilots in Minneapolis one night. Colin is really good friends with them and we got to hang out in their RV and play Mario kart. The concert was one of my favorites. If you ever get a chance to see them...do it! 

This past week we were in southern Minnesota. I had a bunch of fails during presenting this week. There is a magic trick I do with fire and I accidentally caught my hair on fire. Oops. Then just a few funny mess ups. God teaches me a lot everywhere we go. This school was no exception. 

I guess you can say I have been feeling a bit discouraged lately and during lunch one of the junior guys came over and talked to us. He was telling us how the stuff we talked about really got him thinking and pushing him forward in his faith and where he wants to go in life. Then I felt God whisper to me 'I did that through you guys.' Sometimes I feel like its a dream getting to do what we do. It is so much fun to talk to people and meet students. It can be hard and draining and with all the busyness it can, unfortunately, be easy to forget God through it all. But it's all God doing the work through the students we speak to. Not us. 

Then that night at the parent presentation, as I was introducing myself, I got a wave of just humility of seeing these parents there and how much they must love their kids that they are willing to come out and listen to four twenty something's, who do not have kids, talk. And during and after I felt this just awesome passion for...I don't even know what. I look back and I see that God was showing me just a piece of His heart for the students, parents and the families of that school. 

 I failed a bunch during the last few presentations, little things but I am hard on myself. Listening to parents and how much their kids were impacted and how much they loved our presentation. I could just sense God saying to me, 'this is where I want you now. I am working through you to do this for students. To impact so many people.' 

But how AWESOME is our God who wants to work through me. Who fails so often and is broken and messed up. I can never fully understand sometimes that He loves me. And I always seem to search for validation from outside sources. But He was just telling me that He cares and He is in control and that He is able to use me and how I am good enough sometimes for that.  How amazing is that!? How humbling that He would be able to use me. There are times I get moments of just humility and awe of who God is. They hit me hard and strong and I never know why I forget his awesomeness. I think that there are times where God shows himself to me but I am too distracted to notice. But I am learning when you open yourself up to His heart, you start to see where and how He is working and.....it is AWEsome! 

So are you opening your eyes to what God is doing around you? What is in the way of you seeing God's hand? 

Do you remember?

Ever have one of those moments where you just feel really low and need a pick-me-up? I had one of those the other day. It was a long day and I had learned of a girl I played field hockey and lacrosse with  all through high school, had dies of a brain aneurysm. It was so sad. My legs almost gave out when I found out. My grandfather and great uncle died last fall and both were more expected. She had my back on and off the field for four years. It just hit me really hard. I was also a bit stressed over work stuff and friendships and I just had one of those "Ahhhh God what is going on?" moments.

It was a very lost feeling. So I got down and prayed. All alone on our town house, I was venting, crying and talking to God about how I felt. During me catching a breath I felt the need to go down and get my journal. My Ebenezer journal. 

While at FLI we had a woman's retreat at Glen Eyrie castle here in Colorado Springs. It was nice to get away just us girls. We worshiped, read through scripture and just hung out. During that time we talked about the importance of remembering God's grace, forgiveness and love. There are sometimes we forget. We looked at a passage in 1 Samuel 7 where Samuel the prophet prays to God because the Philistines were coming to attack them. God delivered Israel from the hands of the Philistines. In an act of remembering God's goodness, Samuel placed a stone where they were saved and called it Ebenezer, which means stone of help. So we made journals of remembrance. I wrote things that reminded me of God's grace through my life and memories of where I have really seen Him work. So I grabbed my journal and started to read through it. 

I was filled with a sense of peace and joy remembering God's amazing work in my life. Then I was hit with a sadness because it is so easy sometimes for me to forgets the awesome things He has done.  I was overwhelmed with gratefulness. A similar things happened today! I was driving back from a chiropractor appointment and I got a phone call from a woman at Eastern who is in charge of internships. She was interviewing a few people about their experience and I finally got a chance to talk to her after a few missed calls and emails exchanged. I talked about my experience interning with FCA both out in Colorado and back in Philadelphia. I was reminded of how amazing an experience it was, how it taught me so much and how I am here today because of that. 

(Top picture is me speaking at a FCA middle school huddle in Philadelphia and the bottom is me and some of my small group girls at Cheyenne Mt. High School in CO.)

Sometimes we need to be reminded of God's amazing work. At the end of one of our presentations we have all the students write down somethings they do not want to forget about having Axis there and we put them in envelopes and give them to their teachers to give back to them in six months or so. It must be so great to look back and remember what touched them after so much time has passed. As much as we need to remember God's grace everyday sometimes we need it more than others. 

How do you remember God's faithfulness? Do you need an 'Ebenezer stone'? 

Just be yourself!

A new year and a new start with Axis! I have been back in Colorado for the past, almost three weeks now. My team has been in the office working hard and re-vamping some of our new family presentation and reading lots of books. Of course adventures are always in my schedule and we have had fun hiking, paddle boarding, climbing, and just hanging out as a team! The guys on my team are so fun to hang out with! We have been able to cook meals together, go horseback riding, and just hang out a lot the past few weeks. 

This is my team on the top of pulpit rock in Colorado! (left to right: Colin, Taylor and Hayley and me)

It has been an interesting transition coming into Axis after being at camp all summer. The new interns have been here since July and they have had six weeks of training and spending a lot of time together. When Hayley and I came back after the summer we realized we missed out on a lot. With the other two teams on the road it has given a chance for our team to get to know one another which has been great! I love the other interns too! And when we are all in town we have a great time together! 

Driving around the other day our new team director, Colin, Hayley and I we were talking about personalities. (We were able to go to Focus Leadership Institute the day before to hear from one of my old professors about strengths). Colin mentioned something about my personality and I remember saying something about how that is not close to how excited I can get. (many of you have most likely seen me really really excited about something) He asked why I don't do that. I said I don't know and he  said, "just be yourself." (I think I wrote a post on this last semester too.) It has been something I have been struggling with lately. I don't know why but I am finding it hard to be myself. It doesn't make sense really if you think about it. How can it be hard to be yourself?? Part of me is trying to find a role in my new group of friends and I guess my 'usual role' is taken. So a part of me feels lost and that is when I hide. So I hide myself from others. 

We got to see Del Tackett speak at FLI on Saturday and he mentioned something that stuck with me. He said that culture has trained us so well to wear a mask in order to please the others around us. But God exposes us. Being in God's presence exposes parts of us that we don't want others to see. We fit in roles we make up for ourselves that don't make sense. We try to hide who God created us to be. That's kinda rude if you think about it. Imagine you work so hard to make a gift for someone to use and they get it and don't use but hide it. I would feel really hurt. I think that is the same way with God. He made each one of us special and different and gives us gifts and talents that we hide. I know I do sometimes. 

As weird as the problem is...I need to start just being myself and being comfortable instead of hiding behind masks and trying to fit inside roles and boxes I create for myself. Get ready team!