'Be yourself' card

So my team is pretty awesome! They are all veterans so I am the rookie of the team. First semester on the road learning a ton. There are pros and cons. Pros: they can all save me if I mess up on a presentation (which I have) and they all have helped me learn the material and been really patient with me as I do. Cons: because they are all amazing and I am the only one messing up I feel like I need to do as good as them and beat myself up when I don't. So that is pretty tough. I have heard the phrase 'you are your own worst critic' but I never really applied it to myself. I know I psycho-analyze myself the worst! (That's what having a psych degree does to you) But I never knew how hard I am on myself when I mess up. But luckily I have an awesome team to help me out.
So we are in southern California otherwise, known as socal. It has been beautiful and sunny! We got a chance to celebrate the president's birthdays by hitting up the beach last Monday and then again yesterday. It was my first time seeing and touching the PACIFIC OCEAN!!!! The other girl on my team Hayley also experience it for the first time! It was a good day!
We have been pretty busy. We started off in Auburn last weekend up near Sacramento speaking at a church. Then flew down to the L.A area spoke at a school then drove back up to Auburn (long 7 hr drive) did our FIRST family presentation at the church then just drove back down to L.A spent our sabbath on the beach yesterday and the rest of the week speaking at another school. It has been a lot of travel and moving but it's been fresh and new so also exciting. Our family presentation was amazing! We had little sleep but so many people said they enjoyed it. It is amazing what God is going to do with those families. So that is just an update about what is going on lately.
Last week my team director, Patrick, looked at me and randomly said "One of these days you are going to get a 'be yourself' card and I am going to let you go crazy. Because you should be allowed to be yourself." If you are reading this and know me I bet this may sound a bit strange to you. Well, it has been taking a bit to warm up for me. Along with all my insecurities and beating myself up I have not really opened myself. And because it has taken a while I also don't want to scare them too bad with my hyperness at times and excitedness. :)
All in all I am finding my place. It feels like that would be easy but I feel like I have a lot to live up to with three other amazing team members. But as we go on God has been showing me where I am strong and what strengths I have to honor Him.

Here are some pics of our trip so far:

with some of the students at our first venue

Family presentation set up...place was packed full!!

our day at Newport beach

"time to walk on water, Kaitlin"

First Axis trip done. I am in the office a bit this week working on other presentations and also trying to catch up on sleep and just relax a bit. I also get a chance to process. Being on the road is really fun! I have gotten to meet some amazing people and seen some beautiful sights. California is b-e-a-utiful! One of my best friends and I are planning a road trip out there one day and I cannot wait to explore it more. But on to more Axis stuff...

Since coming back many of my friends, family and Axis staff have been asking me how it went, how did I do and what was my favorite part. For some reason I have been finding it hard to pinpoint how to exactly answer them. I guess I can narrow it down to three words:  

It. Was. Hard. 

I did not expect my response to be that after my first trip. Do not get my wrong I am really enjoying what I am getting to do! But I think God has a different plan for this semester that I am going to spend with Axis. Our first event was really exciting. I got a chance to meet some students and I was speaking which was fun but challenging. On our last day of speaking we did our presentation on doubt. While doing this presentation I was experiencing my own doubts and by the end I was beating myself up over my skills and abilities. I started to doubt why I was there and what I was doing. It was hard. He started to show me a lot of things I need to work on and things I need to come to terms with about myself. Some of it had to do with insecurities that I have. I realized many of my insecurities while at FLI two years ago but with learning so many other things I was under some strange idea that because I was aware of them I was conquering them. Which was, obviously, not the case at all.
My team is doing something awesome! When we are on the road we started having morning devotions. We spend our mornings together in prayer and in the Word together. It has been amazing! We also spend one day a week in sabbath and take communion together on that day. On our last sabbath I spent much needed time praying and journaling. I like writing my prayers down in journal form. As you may know, I am an external processor, and writing things down helps me see if ideas even make sense. So while journaling about all these things that God was revealing to me and scaring me I realized I was letting those doubts and insecurities fester.
What makes it a bit ironic is that in our presentation of doubt I talk about how we can't let our doubts fester because they can eat away at our faith. I experienced this my sophomore year of college. While journaling I heard the words, "time to walk on water, Kaitlin." I know I struggle. I know that I have a long way to go and it's going to be hard.
For the past three years I have had the reoccurring theme in my life of 'walking on water'. I love the story on Matthew of Peter walking on water and Britt Nicole has a song titled that. (of course) I have had so many instances where God is just pushing me out of my comfort zone. Deciding not to play field hockey, going to FLI and moving to CO. In this instance He was telling me the same thing. I need to break down those walls and just take that step and no matter what happens it's my time to walk on water.
I am excited for this journey!! He is already teaching me I cannot wait to see what else He has planned. I am learning to trust Him with my abilities and my support raising. Here are some pictures of my trip to California :)

crossing the Golden Gate Bridge with San Fran in the distance

 Hayley and I with our first in-n-out experience :)

 TeamPatrick with some of the students in our last venue.

Please prayerfully consider supporting me. You can click the button on the top right of the page :) Thank you so much! 

Here are some updates from my first Axis trip to California! We just finished at our last school and decided to see the Golden Gate Bridge :) It was so beautiful!! Enjoy :)