adulting

It is weird growing up. I look around and I am sitting in an office of my own. I have my own phone, computer, email, and business cards! My walls are decked out with pictures of friends, family (as well as a gremlin) and cards from summer staff and groups that I have worked with at camp. I even have my own stapler! I have a house and picked up paper towels, milk, and bread the last time I ran to the store. I pay my bills and change my oil when I need to. 

What I learned this summer...

Another summer gone. As I look back on the past three months I have to smile. Although many times during the summer I was not smiling. I learned a lot and grew a lot. Recently a few people have commented that I must be glad summer is over. I typically have paused and thought through the last 13 weeks, smile and say no. As crazy as it was. As stressed as I was. As tired as I was...I actually miss it. I miss the noise and the music. I miss the laughter and yes even the confrontations that have made me stronger. Here is a list of a few things that I learned this summer (both good and bad)

heart smiles

Ever have one of those moments where you feel truly passionate about something? Where you can sense your eyes shinning and your heart feels so full!? I had one of those moments tonight and it had been so long since I felt like this that I wanted to skip around the room or go sing off of a mountain top.

Today was a great day! I was off and headed to the springs and church was held in the park and we spent the morning worshiping and in community eating lunch and playing games. I got to see some friends I haven't seen in a while and relax in the sunshine. It was a really great day with friends. I miss it sometimes. As I drove back to camp my love tank was definitely full ;)

rain and heartaches

I got out of my jeep and grabbed my sweatshirt. The temperature was about to drop and I could see the rain clouds forming in the distance. I didn't care. I just needed to walk around. After all day in the springs running errands I needed to just sit and breathe. I shoved my blanket and journal in my backpack and swung it onto my back and started on the trail.

The soft padding of my sneakers on the damp dirt seemed to relieve some of the stress that was building up in my chest. I found a bench and laid my backpack on the seat and walked to the edge of the path. It dipped down into a valley full of trails and rocks. Because of the rain and weather I did not see anyone walking around. Typically this park is full of people but I was grateful for the silence. I watched the clouds get thicker and darker and started to hear thunder rumble towards the east. Colorado Springs was laid out below me and I could see patches where the rain had already started.

I have always wanted to stand on the edge of a mountain and scream in the rain. Like the scene from the movie Garden State. There is something about rain storms that I have always loved. Growing up I would always love to curl up with a good book and read while the rain hit the windows. When the rain would stop the world smelled so fresh! Like the earth was just cleansed and it was a new beginning and things got washed away.

the table

I sat with my stomach and heart full. I looked around the table at these 5 amazing women and knew that they had changed my heart and my life for the better. We had shared the past 10 months of our lives together. We have been there through heart breaks, new houses, new relationships, and even sending a friend off to another state as she started a new adventure with her husband. There has been a steady stream of new fresh faces but there was a solid group of 7 throughout these past months. We have shared so many stories, laughs, phenomenal food and even some tears. We have encouraged and challenged each other as we read through scripture together.

unfiltered

There are somethings you wish you could say to people. There are times I wish my fear of approval did not hold me back from speaking my mind. Or maybe it is just the cultural idea of tolerance and acceptance that holds me back. What is it?

I was talking to a friend about this just the other day. They are struggling to figure out if they should say something to a friend or stay silent. And if they do say something how do they say it. As I listened to my friend I could not help but think of all the times I wish I would have said something but did not. Did I lack courage? Did I start to think too much about it? What stops me?

There are so many things I wish I could say. I have gotten better at saying things that are on my mind. Back in high school it would be like pulling teeth to get me to say what I felt about anything. I still struggle but have gotten better over the years.

what I left in Kansas

I have always liked road trips. Just the open road, good snacks (combos are a must) great friends, and of course a fantastic playlist to rock out to if it starts to get dull. Driving cross country with my dad was so much fun. I heard tons of stories of his growing up and we talked about God and life. We ate way too many veggie straws and found our love for McDonald's fruit smoothies. We listened to all the Beatles songs at least 5 times and took a bunch of videos and pictures of our journey.

With my best friend we packed up and headed to the Grand Canyon this fall to explore. My car was still stereo-less so we used her ipod and my cup holder to amplify the sound. We were packed with snacks and a great road map (she does not believe in GPS) and drove all night. We spent a lot of our trip laughing and telling stories as well as finding out just how comfortable the back of my jeep is to sleep in. (Note: pretty comfortable) I love traveling with people! Our road trips with Axis were always filled with great discussions, lots of naps and awesome dance parties.