unfiltered

There are somethings you wish you could say to people. There are times I wish my fear of approval did not hold me back from speaking my mind. Or maybe it is just the cultural idea of tolerance and acceptance that holds me back. What is it?

I was talking to a friend about this just the other day. They are struggling to figure out if they should say something to a friend or stay silent. And if they do say something how do they say it. As I listened to my friend I could not help but think of all the times I wish I would have said something but did not. Did I lack courage? Did I start to think too much about it? What stops me?

There are so many things I wish I could say. I have gotten better at saying things that are on my mind. Back in high school it would be like pulling teeth to get me to say what I felt about anything. I still struggle but have gotten better over the years.

what I left in Kansas

I have always liked road trips. Just the open road, good snacks (combos are a must) great friends, and of course a fantastic playlist to rock out to if it starts to get dull. Driving cross country with my dad was so much fun. I heard tons of stories of his growing up and we talked about God and life. We ate way too many veggie straws and found our love for McDonald's fruit smoothies. We listened to all the Beatles songs at least 5 times and took a bunch of videos and pictures of our journey.

With my best friend we packed up and headed to the Grand Canyon this fall to explore. My car was still stereo-less so we used her ipod and my cup holder to amplify the sound. We were packed with snacks and a great road map (she does not believe in GPS) and drove all night. We spent a lot of our trip laughing and telling stories as well as finding out just how comfortable the back of my jeep is to sleep in. (Note: pretty comfortable) I love traveling with people! Our road trips with Axis were always filled with great discussions, lots of naps and awesome dance parties.

little moments

There is beauty in grand adventures. The amazing ability to completely change your surroundings and completely step out of your comfort zone. I think there is so much beauty in the little moments. The tiny moments that are fleeting and if you do not notice them they are gone in the blink of an eye. Sometimes I try to live life by the big moments. I am realizing when I do that I miss things.

Last week it was my friends birthday. I worked all day and served the group their meal and raced to the springs to help make his cake. (Side note: we have gotten into a tradition of making cool cakes for each other on birthdays. First time I got a field hockey stick cake which was so good! From then there has been a brain, cat on a litter box, poop emoji, cats riding horses, mountains and last week a mario kart themed cake.)

right where You want me

Sometimes learning feels like trying to drink from a fire hydrant. There are books I read that take me months to get through because after ever few paragraphs, or even sentences, I need to stop and just process. I want to absorb it all but I feel like sometimes my brain can't hold it all in. I want to grow and learn so much! I want to study photography to be able to capture a moment. I want to learn about different languages and cultures. I want to study the science body language. I want to study scripture. I want to know more constellations. I want to do yoga on a paddle board without falling off. There are so many things to learn and experience and I don't know if I can fit it all in.

Most importantly, right now, I want to learn how to be a better friend. I want to learn how to trust God always and how to be still. I want to do my job well and serve people well. I want to be a good daughter and sister. I want to learn to be humble and have a servants heart. I want to learn to be honest and stand up for myself.

in the midst

I love being active. One of my rules at camp is that I will never drive to work. I live within a 1 min walk from my office so I refuse to drive. It has been pretty chilly up here some days and my nose hairs are frozen as soon as I step out my door. It is nice though to get out in the fresh mountain air. I do like my commute to work.

Every time I am walking and my boss drives by he asks if I want a ride. I turn him down most of the time because I like the walk. He still asks although he knows I will usually say no. He makes fun of my walking but he more calls it a run. He jokes that I am "running around camp all the time, seriously, running."(That could be a direct quote) He chuckles when I walk into the office out of breath from walking up the 'stairs of death' from the kitchen. He is constantly telling me to slow down. I find that hard.

Valentine's Day

I have never had an opinion of Valentine's Day. Growing up it was an excuse to eat as much candy as you wanted. It also involved picking out the coolest valentines day cards for the kids in your class and then later hoarding the candy in your room so you could hide it from your siblings....and maybe your mom. 

As I have gotten older it has changed. It is still a day of love but as I got into college it was a day my single friends seemed to desperately wish they were in a relationship. Beneath the "lets get all dressed up and go bowling then eat ice cream til 2 am" was a bitterness of being single during this day. 

I have never been in a relationship over Valentine's Day. So you could say I have never really had "a Valentine" before. I am ok with that because I have found other ways to pour love out. I think deep down I am secretly a romantic. Although in a candlelight dinner surrounded by roses while being read poetry type setting, I would not know how to react and most likely stutter (and blush) a lot! I have never been that type of person. I have had some incredible Valentine's days without having a boyfriend. 

what I learned from: hiking by myself

I don't think I can ever get sick of Colorado. No, it does not have the beach but there are always new trails to hike and things to explore! I love the feeling you get after hiking a rough trail and finally reach the top. The exhaustion that your body feels slowly slips away as you take in the view around you. Anywhere you hike in Colorado the views are incredible!

There is one peak in Colorado Springs called Blodgett. I have hiked it three times and still have yet to make it to the top! The first time we made it to a ridge right underneath the peak and sat down for a minute before we had to head back down to make it back in time for an event. The second time we made it to the trail head and decided to turn around because of the thunder and lightening. This last time I hiked it by myself and I made it almost to the top and a snow storm rolled in and I could not see very well. So I decided to turn around. One day I will conquer Blodgett! But, I am waiting for spring, less snow, friends, and my foot to heal. While hiking I had a lot of time to think and here are some life lessons I learned while hiking by myself.