Update...

It's weird to go through day by day and nothing seems to change. But yet when you look back everything is different! That's how life has been the past few months. Except...there have been some days that have just changed everything. It only takes a moment. There are sayings about just having 20 seconds of insane courage and to see what happens. I should try that. Every day just have 20 seconds of insane courage, something that just makes me leap out of my comfort zone and learn to fly.
I love writing but lately I have been just living. I have been busy living life! I am not saying that I haven't been living up to this point or won't keep on living but I also want to do something different. And blogging for me, is different.
But before I get into new stuff I guess I should fill in about the past few months. Axis has ended and to tell you the truth I don't think I have processed through the whole thing. When chapters close it is always sad and this one was as well. A new part of my life has started but with that ends another. I know God has reasons for that chapter ending but it still is a little sad and painful in some ways. As soon as I process that I may divulge.
My experience with Axis was incredible and God taught me so much! Much of it you were able to read  here over my year and a half. Within the wake of Axis ending not only did a new chapter unfold but with it a brand new adventure!! (this is all an overview of things I will get into later) I am excited to see where God takes this journey and I must admit it has had me floating on cloud 9 for the past few months. Also keeping me in the air is my new job. I am now the new guest services director at the camp I have been working at the past few years! I went into the summer as the assistant to be thrown as the director within the first week because the girl in charge decided to leave. So since May 6th I have been running on air! That is how I can describe it.
I love my job. It brings fresh new challenges every single day and although it is not what I want to do the rest of my life I know God has called me here for a season in the wilderness. Both literally and figuratively (since I now live on a mountain) Summer has come and gone and I am still standing (somehow....) and now we start our fall season with a whole new way of life.
With Axis ending and camp life starting everything seemed to change at once. But since, there have been days where is feels like nothing has changed. Everyday presents new challenges and I actually miss the norm of being on the road. It is off to new adventures and new lessons to be learned! I will try and keep updating as well as living life. (so I can have more interesting things to update on)

Is this the end?

Another semester coming to a close and I admit I have not been doing a good job at updating my blog. I will have to do a mini recap later, but for now just a bit of news. We are on our second to last trip of the semester and I have been asked back for another year with Axis. I still do not know where God wants me or what my next step is. But, as I continue to pray and seek guidance about my a future I thought I would start writing just a few of the things that I have learned during my last year and a half with Axis. 

I will be doing an entry once a week (hopefully, keep your fingers crossed) about some of the things I have learned from God, my teams, students, and just people that I have gotten the chance to meet. It's so weird to look back a year ago and see where I was and compare that to where I am today. I can't say I am a completely different person but I can see in different ways how I have grown a lot. And because you have kept up with me I thought I would let you know in what ways I have changed. 

The future looks scary and I don't know what my life will look like a year from today but if it has been anything like the past year.....I know it's going to be quite the adventure. I only hope I can hold on tight enough for this ride God has planned. 

Highlight reel

One year ago, today, I started working with Axis.
One year ago, I cut my hair off.
One year ago, I was beginning to find my place in Colorado.
One year ago, I entered into a year of meeting amazing people all over the country.
It's always weird looking back on the past year when a new one waits on the horizon.  I have seen these Instagram year in review things on facebook, and of course instagram, and it is a little video/photo montage of their past year. It's like a mini highlight reel. Facebook also allows you to look through your biggest moments that were posted in the past year. Those things are pretty cool but do they get every moment? Do they see every feeling? Emotion?
We are so into posting things to social media. If you don't have instagram, twitter, facebook or snapchat to keep the world updated about your life you really don't have a life, according to the world of social media. And, yes, I admit I fall into that category. Like many of my friends, I feel like if I don't post enough about my life to keep up with others I am so behind. I mean I am already outside the norm with an old flip phone. So instead of letting Instagram or Facebook determine what my highlights were for 2013 I decided to look past the pictures and into the memories and what I learned this past year. So here is my highlight reel of 2013....just some things I have learned :) (these are in no particular order)

1. Cutting my hair taught me a lot about how I view myself and how much identity I found in my appearance. Plus....I kinda looked like Peter Pan with a pixie haha

2. Being myself is harder than I thought and I have learned a lot about who I am and what kind of person I am.

3. Catching your hair on fire during a presentation is a good conversation starter.

4. In life it is good to be able to laugh at your mistakes. We all make them but how you handle them really tells you what kind of person you are.

5. I LOVE Colorado! I love the hiking, the weather, the people, the mountains and everything about it! It has become home for me and I really enjoy living there.

6. There are people out there who really care about me and love me for who I am! It is amazing that God has put these people in my life. I have been extremely blessed with the friends I have!!

7. Attempting to flip around a hitching post is not usually a good idea...even when your friends can do it.

8. Letting others take care of you does not mean you are weak. It means you are cared for and should let others do things for you instead of being stubborn and trying to prove yourself and hurt yourself in the process. (that was a mouthful but you get the idea)

9. I continue to be a beast at Just Dance! Sometimes you need to just dance like no one is watching and you need to keep your inner child available to laugh and to just enjoy life. :)

10. God can give me strength through anything. I get nervous before I speak and I have been able to ease my nerves through His peace. He has been able to speak through me and I love being a part of it!

11. Opening up and being vulnerable is hard! It's hard to put yourself out there...not knowing what is going to happen. But not opening up is painful too. Guarding your heart is important but there is a line....still trying to figure it out though.

12. The guys in my life have shown me what a godly man looks like and I really value these friendships. I still will try at any moment to get into a guys head because I think it is fascinating. But they are teaching me not all guys are the same and I respect each of them so much!

13. God answers prayers in the best ways. Sometimes they are hardest lessons and sometimes they are in the form of people but whatever way He does it always turns out better than I could ever imagine.

I know there are so many more things that have stuck to me this past year but those are ones I thought off the top of my head. 2013 was a great year for me. As I look back at my highlight reel I see the faces of people that have impacted my life, the students I have been honored to speak to, the amazing places I have been able to travel, and the lessons God has taught me through it all. I am still growing and learning and I am no where near figuring it all out. I am really excited for this next year to see what adventure God continues to take me on.
What is your highlight reel? Not the pictures that facebook makes your year but the people and the memories that go more than the pictures. I think that's what really makes a highlight reel. :)

Never too old for a snowball fight!

Well another Axis semester done. We finished up work this week and I am flying back home tomorrow afternoon for Christmas. I am excited to see my family! (and hopefully not eat too many cookies) Almost everyone from Axis is home or heading home in the next day or so. It's bittersweet in a sense because there are a few people that are not coming back next semester. One of the full time staff got an amazing new job in TN and another intern was only doing one semester and is going to spend the next few months shredding up the mountains of Colorado. I love how we have become a family. We work together, cook together, live together, and just do life together and it is awesome. God really has blessed me with some amazing co-workers and friends!
Last week in downtown Colorado Springs they did a downtown stroll where a bunch of the shops downtown had lights up and food samples and a few of us walked around and had a ton of fun! We also found a little set up with dance moves mapped out on the ground and I learned the fox trot! The sign said "Dance like no one is watching!" And we did just that! With snow covering the ground we slipped and slid all over! People walked by and smiled at us but we kept dancing and we even met a guy named Timothy and got him to dance with us too!

photo curtesy of Hayley ;)

We walked around a bit more and one of my friends and I wanted to run across the snow covered park through the center of town. So we took off trying not to slip and laughing the whole time. Oh, did I mention the temperature was in the single digits?!? Yeah, it was pretty chilly out. We ended up having a EPIC snowball fight! We called it the 76th Hunger Games. Hayley was Finnick, Alisa was Joanna and I was Katniss vs the guys, Sam and Colin, and they were the careers. Of course we won! (Although they may tell you otherwise)  

I have mentioned in previous blogs I have talked about how I have struggled this semester with being myself. I was having a tough week and that night just running across a park, laughing, sliding (I had a pretty epic fall) and freezing while throwing snow at friends was something I needed. The way things work out sometimes makes me smile. I was talking to one of my friends the other night and he was telling me how God had just answered a few of his prayers in ways he didn't expect. That's how is works I think. God likes to surprise us in the smallest ways. Either by a clear day to view his amazing creation in the mountains here in Colorado, random encouraging words from your boss, good conversations with friends til 2:30 am, and even through snow ball fights. It's easy not to see God working in my life because sometimes...I know I get distracted. But when I can step back and just laugh and dance I can see God working through everything around me and it makes me....speechless. So, I dare you, go dance, run, or throw snow like no one is watching! I promise it will be worth it. :)

Axis Banquet

With pretty lows temperature the past week or so about 150 people braved the cold and were able to make it out to our banquet! It was so much fun and Axis broke a personal record with having 13 people speak during one presentation! It was a BLAST being able to present with all the full time staff and all the other interns. We were all dressed up and looked quite spiffy ;)
Check out this short promo of the banquet! I am not in it presenting but you get to see many of the beautiful faces of Axis!!
http://vimeo.com/81542115

Do you want to dance?

Happy December! I love Christmas time! Between celebrating Jesus, the music, good food, snow, traditions, family, festivities, and lights there is just so much to look forward to! I absolutely love Christmas lights. I feel like it makes everything look magical! I worked up at camp this past week before Thanksgiving and I was able to cut down a tree before I came back down to the springs. My team made me wait until they got back from their Thanksgivings with family to decorate it so I waited, very impatiently, with a very naked Christmas tree in our basement. We finally got a chance to decorate it the other night. It was so much fun! 

We had ornaments and music playing while we decorated. Colin was in the corner stringing popcorn and the others were decorating ornaments and the tree. As soon as we turned on music one of the guys from Axis, Sam, started dancing. Sam is a great dancer and he was having a lot of fun twirling around our basement. He started teaching Hayley and I some dance moves. Which included a bit of swing dancing, waltzing, and the cha-cha.
I have never danced like that before. The only dance experience I have is a hip-hop class I took one summer, the cupid shuffle and wii Just Dance (which I am pretty good at ;]) It was fun learning the steps and trying to navigate in my slippers around the basement while trying not to step on Sam's feet. I never new there was so much technique when it came to dancing. The guys kept telling me to stop looking at my feet, because I kept tripping, and Sam was teaching me how to hold up a good frame with my arms. He was telling me that with my hands I need to push a bit back on his so he is able to lead me easier. Colin was giving tips from the side talking about how dancing is harder for the girl because she has more complicated steps and all the guy has to do is lead her. It was hard trying to remember the steps, let Sam lead me, and not trip as he would randomly spin me around the room.
I had to focus on putting pressure in his hand as he led me. It made me think of something. I have been hurt by people before, whether its through relationships or friendships, and it's hard letting myself open up and letting my feelings known so I am very guarded. Guarded so much that I never open up and I struggle with letting people know how much I care about them even after they make theirs feelings known. I learned that for relationships it is a give and take and you cannot just take and not return feelings. I have been struggling with this lately. Both giving too much and, in some relationships, not getting anything back and also not giving anything for fear of rejection.
So in something as simple as learning how to waltz with one of my friends, I learned a lesson as well. The same thing is with God. He is mighty and powerful and He can do all things. There are times in my life He takes over and there are times where I know He wants me to do something. Like dancing, one person has to lead. If I were to try and lead Sam while he was trying to lead me....it would be a mess. (especially since I had no idea what I was doing!) In life God is the one leading me through everything. There are times, a lot sometimes, that I try and lead as well and that is when life gets messy. I know I need to step back and let Him lead but sometimes I do not know what is going to happen and it's scary.
So I guess you can say life is a dance and you just need to let God lead through all the dips and spins and just enjoy the dance. 'Cause...come on who does not want the best dancer to lead them through life?!

Thank you for: sports

I have grown up playing sports for as long as I can remember. I don't think I remember a time where my mom was not driving us around in our white Dodge caravan between practices. My coaches referred to it as the 'McGann clan van' and it was known for the variety of magnets decorating the back of the van representing all the sports my siblings and I played.
I remember days where I was dreading practice because we lost the day before. I remember coaches yelling and joking around with us. I remember running into a field hockey cage post just to tip the ball into the cage with the entire high school boys soccer team watching me. (kinda embarrassing) I remember running for hours in the rain and frost. I remember dreading 6 am practices in college. But I remember the bus rides, the partner drills, the inside jokes and the relationships I made while being a part of a team.
I have learned through sports:
how to be a team player.
how a team works, that if one person is struggling it brings the whole team down.
how it is so important to work as a unit on the field and to do the best to work together off the field.
how to be a leader.
how to build your team up and always have each others back.
how to push through when things are getting hard.
how to respect my coaches and other players (even when I don't always agree)
how I am stronger than I think.
how every person of a team is so important.

There are tons of things I have learned from being an athlete. I miss the nerves right before the whistle blows in the beginning of a game. I miss the adrenaline rush when you score or win a tough game. I miss the feeling of leaving it ALL on the field and knowing you did your best. I miss seeing the talents and abilities God made my body able to do as I push it. I miss the soreness and battle scars. I miss the friends I have made through the years. I am extremely thankful for the ability to play sports for a majority of my life and how that has shaped me so much today. It's sometimes hard to understand what it is like to be an athlete unless you are one. I am thankful for the struggles and the blood, sweat, and tears through all the years. So, don't let the field hockey skirt fool you....I can handle myself on a field :)