'Be yourself' card

So my team is pretty awesome! They are all veterans so I am the rookie of the team. First semester on the road learning a ton. There are pros and cons. Pros: they can all save me if I mess up on a presentation (which I have) and they all have helped me learn the material and been really patient with me as I do. Cons: because they are all amazing and I am the only one messing up I feel like I need to do as good as them and beat myself up when I don't. So that is pretty tough. I have heard the phrase 'you are your own worst critic' but I never really applied it to myself. I know I psycho-analyze myself the worst! (That's what having a psych degree does to you) But I never knew how hard I am on myself when I mess up. But luckily I have an awesome team to help me out.
So we are in southern California otherwise, known as socal. It has been beautiful and sunny! We got a chance to celebrate the president's birthdays by hitting up the beach last Monday and then again yesterday. It was my first time seeing and touching the PACIFIC OCEAN!!!! The other girl on my team Hayley also experience it for the first time! It was a good day!
We have been pretty busy. We started off in Auburn last weekend up near Sacramento speaking at a church. Then flew down to the L.A area spoke at a school then drove back up to Auburn (long 7 hr drive) did our FIRST family presentation at the church then just drove back down to L.A spent our sabbath on the beach yesterday and the rest of the week speaking at another school. It has been a lot of travel and moving but it's been fresh and new so also exciting. Our family presentation was amazing! We had little sleep but so many people said they enjoyed it. It is amazing what God is going to do with those families. So that is just an update about what is going on lately.
Last week my team director, Patrick, looked at me and randomly said "One of these days you are going to get a 'be yourself' card and I am going to let you go crazy. Because you should be allowed to be yourself." If you are reading this and know me I bet this may sound a bit strange to you. Well, it has been taking a bit to warm up for me. Along with all my insecurities and beating myself up I have not really opened myself. And because it has taken a while I also don't want to scare them too bad with my hyperness at times and excitedness. :)
All in all I am finding my place. It feels like that would be easy but I feel like I have a lot to live up to with three other amazing team members. But as we go on God has been showing me where I am strong and what strengths I have to honor Him.

Here are some pics of our trip so far:

with some of the students at our first venue

Family presentation set up...place was packed full!!

our day at Newport beach

"time to walk on water, Kaitlin"

First Axis trip done. I am in the office a bit this week working on other presentations and also trying to catch up on sleep and just relax a bit. I also get a chance to process. Being on the road is really fun! I have gotten to meet some amazing people and seen some beautiful sights. California is b-e-a-utiful! One of my best friends and I are planning a road trip out there one day and I cannot wait to explore it more. But on to more Axis stuff...

Since coming back many of my friends, family and Axis staff have been asking me how it went, how did I do and what was my favorite part. For some reason I have been finding it hard to pinpoint how to exactly answer them. I guess I can narrow it down to three words:  

It. Was. Hard. 

I did not expect my response to be that after my first trip. Do not get my wrong I am really enjoying what I am getting to do! But I think God has a different plan for this semester that I am going to spend with Axis. Our first event was really exciting. I got a chance to meet some students and I was speaking which was fun but challenging. On our last day of speaking we did our presentation on doubt. While doing this presentation I was experiencing my own doubts and by the end I was beating myself up over my skills and abilities. I started to doubt why I was there and what I was doing. It was hard. He started to show me a lot of things I need to work on and things I need to come to terms with about myself. Some of it had to do with insecurities that I have. I realized many of my insecurities while at FLI two years ago but with learning so many other things I was under some strange idea that because I was aware of them I was conquering them. Which was, obviously, not the case at all.
My team is doing something awesome! When we are on the road we started having morning devotions. We spend our mornings together in prayer and in the Word together. It has been amazing! We also spend one day a week in sabbath and take communion together on that day. On our last sabbath I spent much needed time praying and journaling. I like writing my prayers down in journal form. As you may know, I am an external processor, and writing things down helps me see if ideas even make sense. So while journaling about all these things that God was revealing to me and scaring me I realized I was letting those doubts and insecurities fester.
What makes it a bit ironic is that in our presentation of doubt I talk about how we can't let our doubts fester because they can eat away at our faith. I experienced this my sophomore year of college. While journaling I heard the words, "time to walk on water, Kaitlin." I know I struggle. I know that I have a long way to go and it's going to be hard.
For the past three years I have had the reoccurring theme in my life of 'walking on water'. I love the story on Matthew of Peter walking on water and Britt Nicole has a song titled that. (of course) I have had so many instances where God is just pushing me out of my comfort zone. Deciding not to play field hockey, going to FLI and moving to CO. In this instance He was telling me the same thing. I need to break down those walls and just take that step and no matter what happens it's my time to walk on water.
I am excited for this journey!! He is already teaching me I cannot wait to see what else He has planned. I am learning to trust Him with my abilities and my support raising. Here are some pictures of my trip to California :)

crossing the Golden Gate Bridge with San Fran in the distance

 Hayley and I with our first in-n-out experience :)

 TeamPatrick with some of the students in our last venue.

Please prayerfully consider supporting me. You can click the button on the top right of the page :) Thank you so much! 

Here are some updates from my first Axis trip to California! We just finished at our last school and decided to see the Golden Gate Bridge :) It was so beautiful!! Enjoy :)

I am off!

Working with Axis has been so great so far, and I am not even on the road yet! I have my first presentation tomorrow morning at a local high school. This is Axis' first time speaking at a public school so that is sort of a big deal. I have been practicing all day with my awesome team director, Patrick and although I am nervous I think I will do ok. Helps that my boss has been really great and encouraging me all day. I think he knows I am nervous. I mean wouldn't you be if you had to stand up in front of about 200 kids at 8am to talk to them?!? Well I am feeding off of their energy and I will be practicing tonight a bunch.
Our team director is taking us out to dinner tonight as a team to celebrate our send off! We leave on sunday for....wait for it...CALIFORNIA! Wahooo! Now as an east coast girl I am pretty stoked to be hitting the west coast. I expect to try some in-n-out burger (which I have heard is amazing!) And take in the pacific ocean! I also get the privilege of speaking at two different high schools with my team in northern California.
I will be taking tons of pictures, of course, and possibly some videos because I love to do that. I am ready to hit the road and excited to experience California and build relationships to these students. As my team director told me today: we need to bring God with us because He will speak through us. I am excited to see what God uses us to do. Please pray for my team as we head out and please consider supporting me as I start with Axis :) the button is on the top right of this page. So feel free to click on it!

California here I come!!!

I love to eat lunch outside

The weather out here has been AH-MAZING the past week or so. Today it is 60 degrees and tomorrow it is supposed to get up to 66! I am loving it! We have been spending our lunch breaks outside in the sunshine....in January! This is still blowing my mind. I will give a story to have it make a bit more sense. Today I logged on Facebook and scrolled through my newsfeed to see so many of my friends complaining about the cold weather. Apparently, it is the coldest it has been in two years back east! (says a friend's status)
I looked up on my computer the temperature and back at school, in PA, it is 23 degrees and back home, in NJ, it is 18 degrees. I feel slightly bad for them since I am enjoying beautiful weather! But then again I look at the temperature and it says 23 degrees...that is not cold. It is cold but not that cold. The beginning of last week it was 1 degree when I came into work and before that it dipped into the negatives. So because of that reasoning I do not feel completely bad. Sorry east coast friends and family.
So, I am just going to enjoy the weather that I have now and it is time to take lunch. So outside I go!

p.s. Unfortunately this amazing weather makes me want it to be summer soon but alas...it is still January. No fair.

Still that girl

I love music. There are some things that I cannot say that are said so much better through songs. I use music to 'escape' you could say. If I am mad, upset, and even really happy and excited I go to music. Music is really important in many of our lives. It really can affect us. There is music that pumps me up so I can go for a run and have motivation to do it. There is music that has no words, like movie soundtracks, that I like to listen to when I am reading my Bible, studying or just to relax. I have a playlist on my iPod of songs that I could listen to if I am really upset and need a cry or be able to get my feelings out. I also have songs that are happy and just cheerful roll-down-your-car-window-blast-your-music-beautiful-day kind of stuff.
If you have read some of my past posts you may know already, my favorite artist is Britt Nicole. The name of my blog is part of some of her lyrics as well. She has four albums (I have all of them) and they have gotten me through some of the best and worst times of my life. I can relate to many of her songs in some way. A song off her first album helped me through my first heart break. So I have a special spot for her music in my heart :)
Side note: (cause I like to do these) I met her one year at Revelation Generation and she was extremely sweet. She signed a cd for me and looked at me and said, "God has great things planned for your life." So, yeah, she is awesome.
Anyways...I am not here to promote Britt (she is just great). The other day I was driving back from work and I had a playlist going and one of her songs came on. It is called Still That Girl. The beginning few lines I love but it was the chorus that got me this time.

You were young, you were free
And you dared to believe
You could be the girl
Who could change the world
Then your life took a turn
And you fell, and it hurt
But you're still that girl
And you're gonna change this world...
You're still that girl

 The beginning talks about looking at pictures from years past and how the girl looked in the picture and realizing how much had changed from the picture to the present. She then sings that you are still that girl, and you're going to change this world. I came across a few pictures and old videos from a few years ago and it struck me how much has changed in just a few years. As you know, I have graduated college and moved across the country and working with an amazing group called Axis (you should support me!) But looking through those old pictures I see the memories. I see the smiles and laughter. I see the hugs and affections from friends. I also see me. And part of being able to see me is being able to know who I was, what I was feeling, and what was going on in my head when that memory was captured. I see a girl. I see me. 

Looking back at those photos I realize I have changed. I mean who doesn't when they go through college?!? Hearing the lyrics of you're still that girl made me realize, yeah I am still the same person, things have shaped me and changed me. Things have hurt me and I have fallen but I have gotten back up and grown from that. But I am still that girl. I sometimes do not know how to put my thought to words and that is where music comes in but that is where I am. I am still that girl from those pictures long ago. My surroundings, friends, and hair may have changed but I am still that girl and with God's help I am going to change this world.

Puttin' my edumacation to use

This week has been pretty good so far...and it is only Tuesday morning! Well, I guess you can say I had a pretty good Monday. So yesterday I got a chance to meet with two of my professors from Focus Leadership Institute who taught the marriage and family class when I was there two years ago. We are working on a family presentation and we got a chance to meet with them and pick their brains for a bit. It was so great to see them again and a lot of what we talked about I remembered from class with them or classes from Eastern.
When we left my boss gave me a few reading assignments and told me to look up some things that they had mentioned in our meeting. What do ya know but I was put in charge of researching Piaget and Erickson's developmental stages! Ok maybe you have no idea what I am talking about and this is possibly where my nerdy side comes out. Jean Piaget and Erik Erickson were both psychologists. They developed these theories on the stages of development that many people follow today. As being a psychology major in college it made me really excited to put my degree to use.
As cheesy as it sounds, I called my mom at the end of the day all excited. She seemed excited too! That all the money put towards college I am putting to use. So that was pretty exciting. So I thank my professors for all their knowledge and for teaching me!

Note: I think I am going to do a video update soon. So that will be fun!