I wanted to keep up on this every day but I did not have any internet or time. So to update :) I am currently in Springfield, Missouri waiting for my friend Dot to get out of class to come get me! I am really excited to be here so far. First day I spent with my great Aunt and Uncle and it was really good to see them. Then I traveled to my cousin's house in TN and little did I know that she is leaving for Ghana to student teach abroad on Friday! So lucky me I got to see her before she left and it was nice to catch up with her. And tomorrow is my last day on the road!!! Let me tell you, I am more than happy to finally get out of my car and unpack and relax.
I am equally excited to see my friends in CO! My birthday is on Saturday and one of my best friends is planning this thing for me and who ever else we know in CO. I was a little bummed I wouldn't be able to have much for my birthday but hanging out with a bunch of friends I haven't seen in a while I am super pumped!! There is a lot of excitement in this post. I think it is part I have been driving for 3 days straight and haven't had a chance to get my energy out at all. And all the plans and things coming up...and I am rambling. But I guess I should go and continue relaxing before I hit the road again tomorrow morning. Next time you hear from me I will be in the lovely state of COLORADO!
Monday, September 17, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
I'm gunna drive
Colorado bound in the a.m. Both nervous and excited for this new adventure! It'll be good ya know?! Getting a change in scenery and getting out on my own....big girl style! Who knew the world would be this scary. I mean I feel like I didn't learn all this in college. I went to my bank yesterday to figure out how to close out my account (because TD Bank, America's most convenient bank, is not out west) Which is kinda a bummer, cause I do like them. Anyways....he was using big words and I got a bit overwhelmed. It is all solved now...in case you were worried.
I texted one of my best friend's today asking if this is what walking by faith feels like. Scary. And she said yes. I am leaving pretty much all I know and heading out to colorado. (don't worry I know people) with no job yet just my stuff, my car, myself and God. I plan on having some good talks with Him along this drive.
So my car is all packed (for the most part) and my tank is full, iPod is just about ready. I got 3 books on tape that will last me the whole trip if I wanted. So I have the Da Vinci Code which kinda freaks me out a little bit. That albino monk whipping himself...*shudders*. But I plan on listening to that through Kansas. Which will be the longest stretch for me. My route will be as follows:
So yea long trip. Each little blue dot is where I am staying each night. My great aunt and uncle the first night. Then a cousin. Then one of my best friends/ roommate from FLI then colorado! So yea long trip ahead of me and I should go to bed soon. Hopefully I can update while I travel but who knows...so until then time to hit the dusty trail! (and my bed)
p.s. friends if you are reading this...I may be calling you along this road trip...since I will have little else to do :) So get ready!
I texted one of my best friend's today asking if this is what walking by faith feels like. Scary. And she said yes. I am leaving pretty much all I know and heading out to colorado. (don't worry I know people) with no job yet just my stuff, my car, myself and God. I plan on having some good talks with Him along this drive.
So my car is all packed (for the most part) and my tank is full, iPod is just about ready. I got 3 books on tape that will last me the whole trip if I wanted. So I have the Da Vinci Code which kinda freaks me out a little bit. That albino monk whipping himself...*shudders*. But I plan on listening to that through Kansas. Which will be the longest stretch for me. My route will be as follows:
p.s. friends if you are reading this...I may be calling you along this road trip...since I will have little else to do :) So get ready!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Gym Class
Everyone remembers, either from experience or the stereotypical media portrayals, of picking teams for gym class. I always feel bad for the person who gets picked last. They are always a little athletically challenged and you feel it too. It's a rejection. Seeing all your friends and everyone else get picked before you can make you feel worthless. In my devotion this morning it talked about rejection.
Rejection is painful. In any situation: rejection from a friend group, sports team, job that you want, someone you like, or sometimes (unfortunately) your own family. Rejection usually then brings every insecurity you have every had in the back of your mind to the front. And at time I know I fall victim to those thoughts and they can be extremely painful.
This all seems very depressing, doesn't it? As corny as this kinda is...there is good news! In 1 Samuel 12:22 it says "The Lord will not abandon His people, because of His great name and because He has determined to make you His own people."
That is an amazing promise! But think about it...we are human. God created us to be desired and loved but there are times we are rejected and feel left out and worthless. But God will never reject us because He chose us. He wanted us. He didn't feel sorry for us or feel obligated to pick us like the last person in gym class. He chose us because He delights in us. We want to not be rejected and we search everywhere for that. We lower our standards in some instances to look for that one person who will not reject us.
He is right here! God will not abandon or reject us....ever!! He wants us with Him one day partying up in heaven. And He sees us for who we are. He sees our inner thoughts and dreams that we fear if we let anyone see that side of us they will....reject us. But He sees that and still wants us! How unbelievably amazing is that! Come on now just try and wrap your mind around it?? The King of all kings, Lord of all lords, creator of the entire universe (and that was no small feat) desires us!!
Yeah...seems crazy right? But it is totally true.
Consider your mind....blown!
Thursday, August 30, 2012
I'm moving ahead...
I sometimes wish I could just get a manual. Titled "Instructions to your life"or something along those lines. To read and be somewhat prepared for what is going to happen. But there is not, but there is that cliche phrase "No one said life was going to be easy." People always say that when things are really rough. Those are great words of wisdom...especially when you are down on yourself.
Yeah...not really.
This might be more of a venting post. Tonight I was on my computer and came across some old memories from about a year and a half ago. Memories that made my heart start to ache. You know the feeling....and knowing I most likely would not be able to sleep for a while I took out my journal and started to write and then took out some old pics and was just venting. I think it would have been humorous if someone would have walked in on me. I was just sitting on the ground kind of venting at these pictures and talking to God and letting out my frustrations (at a low level because my whole family was/and still is sleeping) Side note: usually to vent I blast my music real loud or go run but as it is after midnight neither seem appropriate. So instead I journal and talk to pictures haha which does not seem sane.
Anyways (after my vent sesh)....I was reminded of God's arms. And how much He wants to be that strength when we have none. He wants to heal our broken hearts and make them whole again. He wants to hold us tight while we cry and give us the peace to move on. In my devo's the other day it said this, "the path to peace is paved with knee-prints. Bend your knee to the trustworthy authority of Christ." Peace comes with trust in His power. As much as my heart still aches right now, I am starting to feel that peace. I also know it will take time and daily surrender. So I guess I will end with one of my favorite songs:
Moving Forward by Israel Houghton
"I'm not going back, I'm moving ahead
Here to declare to You my past is over
in You all things are made new, surrendered my life to Christ
I'm moving, moving forward"
[emphasis added]
Yeah...not really.
This might be more of a venting post. Tonight I was on my computer and came across some old memories from about a year and a half ago. Memories that made my heart start to ache. You know the feeling....and knowing I most likely would not be able to sleep for a while I took out my journal and started to write and then took out some old pics and was just venting. I think it would have been humorous if someone would have walked in on me. I was just sitting on the ground kind of venting at these pictures and talking to God and letting out my frustrations (at a low level because my whole family was/and still is sleeping) Side note: usually to vent I blast my music real loud or go run but as it is after midnight neither seem appropriate. So instead I journal and talk to pictures haha which does not seem sane.
Anyways (after my vent sesh)....I was reminded of God's arms. And how much He wants to be that strength when we have none. He wants to heal our broken hearts and make them whole again. He wants to hold us tight while we cry and give us the peace to move on. In my devo's the other day it said this, "the path to peace is paved with knee-prints. Bend your knee to the trustworthy authority of Christ." Peace comes with trust in His power. As much as my heart still aches right now, I am starting to feel that peace. I also know it will take time and daily surrender. So I guess I will end with one of my favorite songs:
Moving Forward by Israel Houghton
"I'm not going back, I'm moving ahead
Here to declare to You my past is over
in You all things are made new, surrendered my life to Christ
I'm moving, moving forward"
[emphasis added]
Thursday, August 23, 2012
See that face in the mirror??
I am back on the east coast! And it is good to be back. Although, I am not a fan of the humidity or the mosquitoes. Got off the plane and it was hard to breathe with all the oxygen, so that was quite strange as well. I am getting back in the swing of things. Finally unpacked and then cleaned my room which felt pretty good. Got a chance to hang with my brothers and sister this week and got a good tan (well I mean sunburn...) at the the beach today.
It's been hard being back home. For many reasons...I love seeing my family though. Some of the reasons wouldn't make sense or are too hard to write out. So I will try to be simple, as much as I can be. I learned a lot about myself when I attended FLI last spring. I learned of my strengths and my love languages. I also learned where I fall short. In our marriage and family class we took a self quiz on conflict styles. I already knew before I had to take the quiz that I hated conflict. My highest score was avoidance. I have tried, over the past year, to not so much avoid conflict but deal with it in a healthy way. I had chances to do that over the past year with some of my roommates in college and in the beginning I was terrified. You can even ask them. I was trembling and would start crying (and I am NOT a cryer) It still makes me wonder why I would be so scared because they are some of my best friends and they love me. So why the fear?? Usually it would be because I would think the worst outcome would come of it. And you can also ask my friends or family...I am quite a positive person.
I guess this all seems kind of random and rambly (that happens when it gets past 1 am) I have gotten better at not avoiding conflict with some of my friends but in turn I am realizing I have put it more on my relationship with God. I guess I find it easier to run from Him because He is not in my face. I run from God the same way I run from conflict with my friends...fear and believing in the worst outcome. I guess I can go back to my initial question then...So why the fear?? And why God when He knows me way better than any of my friends or family. And He loves me none the less and accepts me as is...because He created me.
It is scary how good I can be at avoiding. I dive into a project (the other day I mowed the lawn because idle hands = idle mind), loose myself in the world of a book, or just usually keep myself busy and make excuses. Or, in this case, ramble on a blog instead of talking to Him. The fear itself is stemming from finding a job and starting out on this new adventure of my life. It is exciting but I am completely terrified at the same time. So what struck all this came from a quote I found on pinterest the other day...(and yes I use that to waste some time too...unfortunately)
"That face you see in the mirror? SHE IS PRECIOUS to the King of Kings, so don't you dare underestimate the plans that He has for her, because they are great."
Convicting....So I guess I will leave it at that and either try to sleep or stop avoiding the inevitable. Goodnight!
It's been hard being back home. For many reasons...I love seeing my family though. Some of the reasons wouldn't make sense or are too hard to write out. So I will try to be simple, as much as I can be. I learned a lot about myself when I attended FLI last spring. I learned of my strengths and my love languages. I also learned where I fall short. In our marriage and family class we took a self quiz on conflict styles. I already knew before I had to take the quiz that I hated conflict. My highest score was avoidance. I have tried, over the past year, to not so much avoid conflict but deal with it in a healthy way. I had chances to do that over the past year with some of my roommates in college and in the beginning I was terrified. You can even ask them. I was trembling and would start crying (and I am NOT a cryer) It still makes me wonder why I would be so scared because they are some of my best friends and they love me. So why the fear?? Usually it would be because I would think the worst outcome would come of it. And you can also ask my friends or family...I am quite a positive person.
I guess this all seems kind of random and rambly (that happens when it gets past 1 am) I have gotten better at not avoiding conflict with some of my friends but in turn I am realizing I have put it more on my relationship with God. I guess I find it easier to run from Him because He is not in my face. I run from God the same way I run from conflict with my friends...fear and believing in the worst outcome. I guess I can go back to my initial question then...So why the fear?? And why God when He knows me way better than any of my friends or family. And He loves me none the less and accepts me as is...because He created me.
It is scary how good I can be at avoiding. I dive into a project (the other day I mowed the lawn because idle hands = idle mind), loose myself in the world of a book, or just usually keep myself busy and make excuses. Or, in this case, ramble on a blog instead of talking to Him. The fear itself is stemming from finding a job and starting out on this new adventure of my life. It is exciting but I am completely terrified at the same time. So what struck all this came from a quote I found on pinterest the other day...(and yes I use that to waste some time too...unfortunately)
"That face you see in the mirror? SHE IS PRECIOUS to the King of Kings, so don't you dare underestimate the plans that He has for her, because they are great."
Convicting....So I guess I will leave it at that and either try to sleep or stop avoiding the inevitable. Goodnight!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
"...and remember you will always have family here."
End of camp. It was sad to leave. A lot harder than I honestly thought it would be. The last night we had together we spent around a fire pit making s'mores and talking about what God had taught us this summer and what our favorite and funniest moments were.
It was a great last week at camp and we cleaned up camp on Friday and said goodbye to co-workers and friends. We handed in our radios and sets of keys and said goodbye to our bosses. It was hard. They said we have been the best staff they have had and they wanted us all back next year. :) I even saw some tears in my bosses eyes. One told me that I would always have a family up at camp and should come back. :) We had a blessed summer and an amazing staff!
Of those left we hung out for the night and decided to pull and all-nighter in the chapel with spare mattresses, blankets and pillows. One of the girls had to drive a few people to the airport at 3 am so we just watched movies and reminisced of the summer. When the airport caravan left at 3 am one of the guys and myself stayed up just talking and hanging out. When the driver came we got into some really good conversations and ended up staying up til around 8 am. It was really fun!
Needless to say I was quite tired the next day and we packed up and said our last goodbyes and headed out. I am now at my friends house in the springs with an interview tomorrow morning then hopefully headed home for a bit to see my family.
It has been a great, amazing, and fantastic summer! I learned a lot and I am going to miss it. But hopefully I will be moving out here and will visit :) Now to sleep and find a pair of shoes for my interview tomorrow.
It was a great last week at camp and we cleaned up camp on Friday and said goodbye to co-workers and friends. We handed in our radios and sets of keys and said goodbye to our bosses. It was hard. They said we have been the best staff they have had and they wanted us all back next year. :) I even saw some tears in my bosses eyes. One told me that I would always have a family up at camp and should come back. :) We had a blessed summer and an amazing staff!
Of those left we hung out for the night and decided to pull and all-nighter in the chapel with spare mattresses, blankets and pillows. One of the girls had to drive a few people to the airport at 3 am so we just watched movies and reminisced of the summer. When the airport caravan left at 3 am one of the guys and myself stayed up just talking and hanging out. When the driver came we got into some really good conversations and ended up staying up til around 8 am. It was really fun!
Needless to say I was quite tired the next day and we packed up and said our last goodbyes and headed out. I am now at my friends house in the springs with an interview tomorrow morning then hopefully headed home for a bit to see my family.
It has been a great, amazing, and fantastic summer! I learned a lot and I am going to miss it. But hopefully I will be moving out here and will visit :) Now to sleep and find a pair of shoes for my interview tomorrow.
Monday, August 6, 2012
I know I'm not strong enough
Camp is drawing to a close. Sadly, we only have one week left. The camp arrived yesterday and will stay til Friday then we will clean camp one last time and head out. I cannot believe it is already over. This summer flew by! This morning while I was doing my devotions by the pool, I was looking back at the summer and was thinking of all I learned.
I learned how to:
successfully unclog really backed up toilets
clean very very well
add and monitor pool chemicals
canter on a horse and not fall off
not freak out on the high ropes course
And those are just some of the basic things I guess. This morning I was journaling and was thinking about how lately I have been so drained. I have realized I have been trying to work off my own strength...not God's. And that is extremely draining. In Isaiah 40:31 says that "Those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength." The Hebrew word for 'trust' in this verse means to bind together. By holding close to God's truth we can depend on Him to be that strength to get through the tough times. And then it hit me....
This summer, bit by bit, I have been learning to be able to depend on others. While working, some of the thing I have had to do are hard and I can't do it all by myself...even if I want to. Everyday I have to take off and put back on the tarp at the pool and I cannot do it alone I always need some help. There are some projects that involve heavy lifting and I have a bad back, so I have learned that it is ok to step back and let someone else who is stronger (with bigger muscles) to help me.
It has been a struggle at times and very humbling. But once I realized all of that it hit me...I need to start transferring that on my relationship with God. I know the guys here can help with the heavy lifting but He can SO much more. Why do we struggle with that so much?? But it was a cool revelation, so to speak. He really teaches us things in the most peculiar ways.
I know I'm not strong enough but I do know that He is.
I learned how to:
successfully unclog really backed up toilets
clean very very well
add and monitor pool chemicals
canter on a horse and not fall off
not freak out on the high ropes course
And those are just some of the basic things I guess. This morning I was journaling and was thinking about how lately I have been so drained. I have realized I have been trying to work off my own strength...not God's. And that is extremely draining. In Isaiah 40:31 says that "Those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength." The Hebrew word for 'trust' in this verse means to bind together. By holding close to God's truth we can depend on Him to be that strength to get through the tough times. And then it hit me....
This summer, bit by bit, I have been learning to be able to depend on others. While working, some of the thing I have had to do are hard and I can't do it all by myself...even if I want to. Everyday I have to take off and put back on the tarp at the pool and I cannot do it alone I always need some help. There are some projects that involve heavy lifting and I have a bad back, so I have learned that it is ok to step back and let someone else who is stronger (with bigger muscles) to help me.
It has been a struggle at times and very humbling. But once I realized all of that it hit me...I need to start transferring that on my relationship with God. I know the guys here can help with the heavy lifting but He can SO much more. Why do we struggle with that so much?? But it was a cool revelation, so to speak. He really teaches us things in the most peculiar ways.
I know I'm not strong enough but I do know that He is.
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