Still that girl

I love music. There are some things that I cannot say that are said so much better through songs. I use music to 'escape' you could say. If I am mad, upset, and even really happy and excited I go to music. Music is really important in many of our lives. It really can affect us. There is music that pumps me up so I can go for a run and have motivation to do it. There is music that has no words, like movie soundtracks, that I like to listen to when I am reading my Bible, studying or just to relax. I have a playlist on my iPod of songs that I could listen to if I am really upset and need a cry or be able to get my feelings out. I also have songs that are happy and just cheerful roll-down-your-car-window-blast-your-music-beautiful-day kind of stuff.
If you have read some of my past posts you may know already, my favorite artist is Britt Nicole. The name of my blog is part of some of her lyrics as well. She has four albums (I have all of them) and they have gotten me through some of the best and worst times of my life. I can relate to many of her songs in some way. A song off her first album helped me through my first heart break. So I have a special spot for her music in my heart :)
Side note: (cause I like to do these) I met her one year at Revelation Generation and she was extremely sweet. She signed a cd for me and looked at me and said, "God has great things planned for your life." So, yeah, she is awesome.
Anyways...I am not here to promote Britt (she is just great). The other day I was driving back from work and I had a playlist going and one of her songs came on. It is called Still That Girl. The beginning few lines I love but it was the chorus that got me this time.

You were young, you were free
And you dared to believe
You could be the girl
Who could change the world
Then your life took a turn
And you fell, and it hurt
But you're still that girl
And you're gonna change this world...
You're still that girl

 The beginning talks about looking at pictures from years past and how the girl looked in the picture and realizing how much had changed from the picture to the present. She then sings that you are still that girl, and you're going to change this world. I came across a few pictures and old videos from a few years ago and it struck me how much has changed in just a few years. As you know, I have graduated college and moved across the country and working with an amazing group called Axis (you should support me!) But looking through those old pictures I see the memories. I see the smiles and laughter. I see the hugs and affections from friends. I also see me. And part of being able to see me is being able to know who I was, what I was feeling, and what was going on in my head when that memory was captured. I see a girl. I see me. 

Looking back at those photos I realize I have changed. I mean who doesn't when they go through college?!? Hearing the lyrics of you're still that girl made me realize, yeah I am still the same person, things have shaped me and changed me. Things have hurt me and I have fallen but I have gotten back up and grown from that. But I am still that girl. I sometimes do not know how to put my thought to words and that is where music comes in but that is where I am. I am still that girl from those pictures long ago. My surroundings, friends, and hair may have changed but I am still that girl and with God's help I am going to change this world.

Puttin' my edumacation to use

This week has been pretty good so far...and it is only Tuesday morning! Well, I guess you can say I had a pretty good Monday. So yesterday I got a chance to meet with two of my professors from Focus Leadership Institute who taught the marriage and family class when I was there two years ago. We are working on a family presentation and we got a chance to meet with them and pick their brains for a bit. It was so great to see them again and a lot of what we talked about I remembered from class with them or classes from Eastern.
When we left my boss gave me a few reading assignments and told me to look up some things that they had mentioned in our meeting. What do ya know but I was put in charge of researching Piaget and Erickson's developmental stages! Ok maybe you have no idea what I am talking about and this is possibly where my nerdy side comes out. Jean Piaget and Erik Erickson were both psychologists. They developed these theories on the stages of development that many people follow today. As being a psychology major in college it made me really excited to put my degree to use.
As cheesy as it sounds, I called my mom at the end of the day all excited. She seemed excited too! That all the money put towards college I am putting to use. So that was pretty exciting. So I thank my professors for all their knowledge and for teaching me!

Note: I think I am going to do a video update soon. So that will be fun!

new chapter...new haircut

New beginnings. So I have a new job with Axis. (which you should support me :D) It is a new year and I decided...why not just cut my hair off. [Ok as a disclaimer it was not in an act of anger or disapproving of how I look.]
But a day before New Years Eve my best friend and I went to the hair salon and I went short. Like really short. Think...pixie. Now this was a bit different for me. I have had long hair my entire life. I got a chance to donate the 12 in or so I cut off to an organization which was really great!
It's strange. Not to have long hair anymore and I am working on figuring out how to style it and work with it everyday. But it feel nice. There are moments I miss my long hair but I think its more of an appreciation of it. The reason I decided to make a post on this was because...well I thought it would be different and not many people know I cut it off. Last night at the host home I am staying at the wife asked if she could see a picture of me with long hair because she just sees me as short hair and it seems so natural. That was weird for me. I thought about it and Axis people only know me with my short hair.  I have wanted to do this for a while and as soon as the ponytail was cut off it felt good. I know there are articles saying that 'short hair makes women feel more confident' and stuff like that. I do not think it comes with the short hair. I mean I did not feel this overwhelming sense of confidence when my hair was cut off. That idea is based solely around self-confidence. Which can be a good thing. I feel as women we are constantly trying to find our self-confidence and self-worth. Some people search their entire lives just looking for that one things they feel is missing.
In 1 Corinthians (The Message) it says:

"Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God-confidence."

So many people look for confidence in themselves. But like that verse says, it's useless. We are humans; we fail and we fall. We fell in the beginning because we chose badly. I know I am very critical about myself and I am sure you are too. By finding confidence in God, we don't have to do that anymore. He loves us for who we are because He created us. We can fail a million, billion, or gazillion (which we will) times but no matter how much we fail...He will always love us. He will look at us just as we are and not see all the faults that we 'claim' to see in ourselves. 
So I can cut off all my hair, change the way I dress, wear ridiculous high heels all the time. (which would be incredibly painful!) But He will still love me for me. 
So maybe instead of just trying to find confidence in yourself, find it in God because I believe He is up there rooting for me to succeed even when I don't believe I can. 

my Axis adventure begins!!

Hey friends! I am sorry I have not been updating but I have not been able to get internet where I am staying, only when I am at work. So we have some down time and I am updating :)
Started training last week and it is kinda scary. So much material and three of the other team members were a part of Axis last semester so they already know all the material. So we are starting fresh. I am learning a TON which is so much fun. I have really missed learning since graduating college. The thesis of Axis is that the issue is NOT unanswered questions...the issue is unquestioned answers and that is our goal. To get students all over the country to ask themselves the hard questions to get those answers they never have gotten before. Going through the material is getting me to ask some pretty tough questions as well.
The Axis staff is so great! We have had a bunch of meals the past few days at different staff members houses and they have been amazing! Last night I learned, with another team member, how to make authentic corn tortillas and we had a mexican feast in celebration of Kings Day. Which is the Mexican holiday like our Christmas.
There are two teams that travel with Axis during a semester. One team is leaving bright and early tomorrow morning for Texas. My team leaves later in the month so we will be working on other presentations and preparations. I am excited to get on the road! Although I am not sure where I will be headed first I am excited to visit new places. :)
Please pray for the Axis staff as we start to head out. High schoolers are a tough crowd and I pray God can open their hearts and minds to some great conversations and thoughts.
More updates to come soon!!

What is your story??

Back east. The air is thicker which is strangely weird but my brother came home the other night from college and now the Lopat 6 is now complete!! (yes cheesy name) It has been so great to be home. I really missed everyone. The first day I was home I was all alone cause everyone was working or at school and I naively told my mom later that I was bored and now I have lists of things to do :) Oh the joys of family (I do love her!)
Before I came back east I finished a Bible study I was a part of. One of my bosses at camp and his wife and I were going through Storyline by Donald Miller. If you ever get the chance I HIGHLY recommend it. One of my good friends loves Donald Miller. I must say you will not be disappointed, convicted, but not disappointed.
You start off looking back at your life and all the positive and negative life turns that have shaped you. I would give a synopsis of the study and what we did but I think you should do it yourself and learn. But I took some notes on the end I can share :)
Every life is made up of stories. Many many stories. They are meant to be lived out with passion! Ever have a project that you are working on where you are just so excited to do it and see the finished result. When you finally finish you hold it up and just are so happy that you finished. I find it so much easier to do things if I want to. Well, of course that makes sense but what if you lived life like that? Like you just loved the story you were creating. That's what Donald Miller's goal is throughout the study. He wants you to realize how to live your stories with passion and heart in order to change live. (No pressure right?!?)
All great stories must come to an end though. I find that ending things is sometimes hard. Especially when it is a great story. Miller says that although stories must end we need to celebrate those endings. Like we celebrate graduations, new years, bachelor things as an end to singleness, and many others. But do we realize we need to celebrate the hard things to?? Like the end of a relationship, or a loved one dying. We need to celebrate the time we had with them and what we learned from certain hard situations. After celebrating comes the time to grieve and say goodbye to that story. After the grieving time is moving on. Being able to let go of that story and start planning the next one.
I am in the process of letting go of a story that needs to be let go of. It is hard but in order to start my next one with full passion and heart, I need to.
Christmas eve is kinda like my new years...a bit. My siblings and I started a tradition where we sleep under the Christmas tree. Now it has been just me the past few years but I have loved just sitting down here with my Bible and journal. Just reflecting on the year and talking to God. My next story with Axis begins really soon and I am super excited for it! But going along with the theme of my life, God has just continually just been teaching me to trust Him and learn to walk on water. That includes saying goodbye to past stories.
So as you have your own traditions for Christmas with family and friends, don't forget the reason for the season. :) Corny, yes, but also true. Begin your next story with gusto! And remember God is right there with you, along for the journey.
I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas as I sit and watch the snow fall (white Christmas!!!!) and a Happy new year! (that is if I don't get another post in before that)
Goodnight!

I'll be home for Christmas

I will be home tomorrow! Eeeeeek! I am getting really excited to see my family. It's been a rough month or so and I am really exited to be home and spend time with them. I woke up to a text from my dad yesterday morning saying "two more days! two more days!" So I think they are excited to see me :)
I can't wait to see all the Christmas decorations and the lights.
One of the best traditions that my family does is one night we all pile into our car with pj's on with hot chocolate and candy canes turn on the Christmas music and drive around and look at the decorations and lights that people put up outside. We like to judge and see which ones we like the best. My dad's side of the family always has a huge get together on Christmas Eve. It is such a blast to see everyone and hang out. We have a gift exchange that is called white elephant where you find stuff around the house and wrap it up. So we have had the most random gifts. We had a loaf of bread, fish eggs and a pig cookie jar that made noises going around for a few years! We usually have the Christmas eve part at our house and my uncles LOVE to leave their white elephant gifts hidden around our house. This year my uncle is having it at his house so revenge is ours!!! haha It will be a good time.
When my best friend from home found out when I was coming home she messaged our group of friends with an itinerary of everything we could do and a calendar of when we could do them. Gotta love her. :)
But in the midst of ending my job at camp today, packing up, flying home, and getting gifts for people it's a good time to sit back and remember who to spend time with around Christmas. I miss my friends but I cannot wait to spend time with my family making cookies and watching a Charlie Brown Christmas or listening to my dad sing "There's always Tomorrow" from Rudolph in a high falsetto and counting down the days and hours until Christmas. So friends, in your travels home, be safe and have a blessed time with the people you love most :)

Who do you turn to?

There has been so much going on lately. Between work, trying to see friends, babysitting and getting ready for my new job in January I find it hard to take a chance and just relax and have a moment of peace. I have tried to take my time and do my devotions every morning and spend time in the Word every day. Something I have been learning lately is that God wants us to come to Him with everything. The hurts and the heartaches. The joys and the victories too. Everything.
In church this Sunday the topic came up again. We talked about how Christ became flesh to dwell with us. He came down as a baby. He could have been sent at age 30 to start his ministry in a bolt of lightning or some big dramatic way. But to think about that who would want to approach a Messiah like that? I would be intimidated. By coming as a baby, he was humble and vulnerable. He went through puberty. He lived with a family and dealt with temptation. He was human like us.
Our pastor wrote something down that I really liked too. He said, "God coming to His creation as a created person in undeniable proof that God will do anything to have a relationship with us." Isn't that so cool! Yes, I have friends and family who are there for me and to listen. Heartaches hurt and I have most likely talked their ears off lately but God will never ever turn from us when we are hurting. Cause He wants us to go to Him no matter what. He wants to rejoice in our victories with us. (for me that is doing a happy dance) and cry and hold us when we are broken.
So think...who is that one person who is always there for you to be vulnerable and bear your heart to? Why? What makes them approachable?
Just think, God is just like that...even more. So trust Him with your feelings because He is always there to listen.