new chapter...new haircut

New beginnings. So I have a new job with Axis. (which you should support me :D) It is a new year and I decided...why not just cut my hair off. [Ok as a disclaimer it was not in an act of anger or disapproving of how I look.]
But a day before New Years Eve my best friend and I went to the hair salon and I went short. Like really short. Think...pixie. Now this was a bit different for me. I have had long hair my entire life. I got a chance to donate the 12 in or so I cut off to an organization which was really great!
It's strange. Not to have long hair anymore and I am working on figuring out how to style it and work with it everyday. But it feel nice. There are moments I miss my long hair but I think its more of an appreciation of it. The reason I decided to make a post on this was because...well I thought it would be different and not many people know I cut it off. Last night at the host home I am staying at the wife asked if she could see a picture of me with long hair because she just sees me as short hair and it seems so natural. That was weird for me. I thought about it and Axis people only know me with my short hair.  I have wanted to do this for a while and as soon as the ponytail was cut off it felt good. I know there are articles saying that 'short hair makes women feel more confident' and stuff like that. I do not think it comes with the short hair. I mean I did not feel this overwhelming sense of confidence when my hair was cut off. That idea is based solely around self-confidence. Which can be a good thing. I feel as women we are constantly trying to find our self-confidence and self-worth. Some people search their entire lives just looking for that one things they feel is missing.
In 1 Corinthians (The Message) it says:

"Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God-confidence."

So many people look for confidence in themselves. But like that verse says, it's useless. We are humans; we fail and we fall. We fell in the beginning because we chose badly. I know I am very critical about myself and I am sure you are too. By finding confidence in God, we don't have to do that anymore. He loves us for who we are because He created us. We can fail a million, billion, or gazillion (which we will) times but no matter how much we fail...He will always love us. He will look at us just as we are and not see all the faults that we 'claim' to see in ourselves. 
So I can cut off all my hair, change the way I dress, wear ridiculous high heels all the time. (which would be incredibly painful!) But He will still love me for me. 
So maybe instead of just trying to find confidence in yourself, find it in God because I believe He is up there rooting for me to succeed even when I don't believe I can. 

my Axis adventure begins!!

Hey friends! I am sorry I have not been updating but I have not been able to get internet where I am staying, only when I am at work. So we have some down time and I am updating :)
Started training last week and it is kinda scary. So much material and three of the other team members were a part of Axis last semester so they already know all the material. So we are starting fresh. I am learning a TON which is so much fun. I have really missed learning since graduating college. The thesis of Axis is that the issue is NOT unanswered questions...the issue is unquestioned answers and that is our goal. To get students all over the country to ask themselves the hard questions to get those answers they never have gotten before. Going through the material is getting me to ask some pretty tough questions as well.
The Axis staff is so great! We have had a bunch of meals the past few days at different staff members houses and they have been amazing! Last night I learned, with another team member, how to make authentic corn tortillas and we had a mexican feast in celebration of Kings Day. Which is the Mexican holiday like our Christmas.
There are two teams that travel with Axis during a semester. One team is leaving bright and early tomorrow morning for Texas. My team leaves later in the month so we will be working on other presentations and preparations. I am excited to get on the road! Although I am not sure where I will be headed first I am excited to visit new places. :)
Please pray for the Axis staff as we start to head out. High schoolers are a tough crowd and I pray God can open their hearts and minds to some great conversations and thoughts.
More updates to come soon!!

What is your story??

Back east. The air is thicker which is strangely weird but my brother came home the other night from college and now the Lopat 6 is now complete!! (yes cheesy name) It has been so great to be home. I really missed everyone. The first day I was home I was all alone cause everyone was working or at school and I naively told my mom later that I was bored and now I have lists of things to do :) Oh the joys of family (I do love her!)
Before I came back east I finished a Bible study I was a part of. One of my bosses at camp and his wife and I were going through Storyline by Donald Miller. If you ever get the chance I HIGHLY recommend it. One of my good friends loves Donald Miller. I must say you will not be disappointed, convicted, but not disappointed.
You start off looking back at your life and all the positive and negative life turns that have shaped you. I would give a synopsis of the study and what we did but I think you should do it yourself and learn. But I took some notes on the end I can share :)
Every life is made up of stories. Many many stories. They are meant to be lived out with passion! Ever have a project that you are working on where you are just so excited to do it and see the finished result. When you finally finish you hold it up and just are so happy that you finished. I find it so much easier to do things if I want to. Well, of course that makes sense but what if you lived life like that? Like you just loved the story you were creating. That's what Donald Miller's goal is throughout the study. He wants you to realize how to live your stories with passion and heart in order to change live. (No pressure right?!?)
All great stories must come to an end though. I find that ending things is sometimes hard. Especially when it is a great story. Miller says that although stories must end we need to celebrate those endings. Like we celebrate graduations, new years, bachelor things as an end to singleness, and many others. But do we realize we need to celebrate the hard things to?? Like the end of a relationship, or a loved one dying. We need to celebrate the time we had with them and what we learned from certain hard situations. After celebrating comes the time to grieve and say goodbye to that story. After the grieving time is moving on. Being able to let go of that story and start planning the next one.
I am in the process of letting go of a story that needs to be let go of. It is hard but in order to start my next one with full passion and heart, I need to.
Christmas eve is kinda like my new years...a bit. My siblings and I started a tradition where we sleep under the Christmas tree. Now it has been just me the past few years but I have loved just sitting down here with my Bible and journal. Just reflecting on the year and talking to God. My next story with Axis begins really soon and I am super excited for it! But going along with the theme of my life, God has just continually just been teaching me to trust Him and learn to walk on water. That includes saying goodbye to past stories.
So as you have your own traditions for Christmas with family and friends, don't forget the reason for the season. :) Corny, yes, but also true. Begin your next story with gusto! And remember God is right there with you, along for the journey.
I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas as I sit and watch the snow fall (white Christmas!!!!) and a Happy new year! (that is if I don't get another post in before that)
Goodnight!

I'll be home for Christmas

I will be home tomorrow! Eeeeeek! I am getting really excited to see my family. It's been a rough month or so and I am really exited to be home and spend time with them. I woke up to a text from my dad yesterday morning saying "two more days! two more days!" So I think they are excited to see me :)
I can't wait to see all the Christmas decorations and the lights.
One of the best traditions that my family does is one night we all pile into our car with pj's on with hot chocolate and candy canes turn on the Christmas music and drive around and look at the decorations and lights that people put up outside. We like to judge and see which ones we like the best. My dad's side of the family always has a huge get together on Christmas Eve. It is such a blast to see everyone and hang out. We have a gift exchange that is called white elephant where you find stuff around the house and wrap it up. So we have had the most random gifts. We had a loaf of bread, fish eggs and a pig cookie jar that made noises going around for a few years! We usually have the Christmas eve part at our house and my uncles LOVE to leave their white elephant gifts hidden around our house. This year my uncle is having it at his house so revenge is ours!!! haha It will be a good time.
When my best friend from home found out when I was coming home she messaged our group of friends with an itinerary of everything we could do and a calendar of when we could do them. Gotta love her. :)
But in the midst of ending my job at camp today, packing up, flying home, and getting gifts for people it's a good time to sit back and remember who to spend time with around Christmas. I miss my friends but I cannot wait to spend time with my family making cookies and watching a Charlie Brown Christmas or listening to my dad sing "There's always Tomorrow" from Rudolph in a high falsetto and counting down the days and hours until Christmas. So friends, in your travels home, be safe and have a blessed time with the people you love most :)

Who do you turn to?

There has been so much going on lately. Between work, trying to see friends, babysitting and getting ready for my new job in January I find it hard to take a chance and just relax and have a moment of peace. I have tried to take my time and do my devotions every morning and spend time in the Word every day. Something I have been learning lately is that God wants us to come to Him with everything. The hurts and the heartaches. The joys and the victories too. Everything.
In church this Sunday the topic came up again. We talked about how Christ became flesh to dwell with us. He came down as a baby. He could have been sent at age 30 to start his ministry in a bolt of lightning or some big dramatic way. But to think about that who would want to approach a Messiah like that? I would be intimidated. By coming as a baby, he was humble and vulnerable. He went through puberty. He lived with a family and dealt with temptation. He was human like us.
Our pastor wrote something down that I really liked too. He said, "God coming to His creation as a created person in undeniable proof that God will do anything to have a relationship with us." Isn't that so cool! Yes, I have friends and family who are there for me and to listen. Heartaches hurt and I have most likely talked their ears off lately but God will never ever turn from us when we are hurting. Cause He wants us to go to Him no matter what. He wants to rejoice in our victories with us. (for me that is doing a happy dance) and cry and hold us when we are broken.
So think...who is that one person who is always there for you to be vulnerable and bear your heart to? Why? What makes them approachable?
Just think, God is just like that...even more. So trust Him with your feelings because He is always there to listen.

I am thankful for...technology??

Never really thought I would ever say that. See I am not really a technology person. I have an old flip phone (to save money) but I really do like it. It's cool to flip it open when someone calls! And I am getting off topic.
I have never been a tech savy person...unless you ask my mom because she is pretty bad. But I started hating texting in college and although it does come in handy and I see the point of it I would so much rather talk in person or on the phone with someone. Plus I have seen through experience that people hide behind texting and it is easy to do too. I must admit I have done it in the past. But I have gotten to the point where if I wouldn't say it in person I won't say it over text.
I still have difficulty with computers sometimes. I am scared one day they will take over the world in some jobs where I would much rather have a person to talk to. But this post is about why I am thankful about technology rather than bashing it.
I see the need for technology. But I also feel like the culture has become to rely on it too much and if something like a revolution (like the tv show where they lose all electricity) happened I am not sure if people would know how to have conversations face to face. But on this Thanksgiving a few days ago I got a chance to really appreciate the technology we have.
See I just moved from NJ to Colorado and this was the first Thanksgiving I have been away from home. It was different and I loved it. I had dinner at my best friends house with her family and then we went for a hike in Red Rock park. (gotta love Colorado!)
My town has a HUGE rival football game on Thanksgiving day that has been part of the tradition for hundreds of years. One year it was on ESPN. It's kinda a big deal. Like huge deal. The whole town goes. That takes up most of the morning. Then I have dinner with my mom's side of the family then we go to my uncle's house on my dad's side where there is craziness!!!! My dad is one of seven boys and usually five of them make it. This year it was six and all my cousins were there. My brother calls me and I hear about 20 people talking at once and he tells me to get on skype. (such a great invention)
So in the long run I got a chance to skype my family on Thanksgiving. I was funny to see some of my aunts and uncles pass by the computer and look over and see me and be sort of startled. Everyone was yelling my name and I got to see my parents too. It was so great to see everyone!! My grandma was not sure if she liked it or not which was pretty entertaining.
So yes, as much as I would rather be in person with people I do understand the need for technology and so grateful for it this Thanksgiving. Now I can't wait to get home and see my whole family for Christmas. Who knows maybe in a few years I can appear in like a hologram form!

"...to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

I know I have already done a post on friends a while back but I needed to update and the past few days I have just really been blessed by my friends. The other day I had one of those days where God just wanted to teach me some things. So that night I had a chance to just journal and talk to Him and I felt very convicted. At that same time one of my best friends and roommates from FLI texted me and asked me what's up so I told her I was learning some stuff. And although it was late she called me just to pray with me. It was so great to hear her voice (cause she lives in California) and great to catch up on life. We shared our highs and lows and just talked.
Just before that I was thinking how different my life would have been if I never went to FLI. How my friendship would be with my friends from college and how different I would be. But then I never would have met my friends I have now. Ones who will call in the middle of the night to pray with me. I never would have learned how to be a better friend to be that phone call they place when they need to talk.
Today I just found out my grandpa died last night. I am so glad he is not in pain anymore but He fell away from Christ when my uncle got muscular dystrophy as a young boy. Last time I saw him I gave him a hug and kiss and told him I was praying for him. He had cancer and lost all use of his left arm. It's really hard being this far away and I am not sure if I will be going home or not yet. My best friend out here, when I texted her to say I may not be able to hang out this week, called and told me she is coming up and bringing any comfort food. It made me feel so great to have a friend who would drop everything to come up and see me during this. 
Reminds me of the verse my good friend wrote in a letter for me: 
John 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."
Ok I guess that's about it.